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07.16.2013 , 05:04 PM | #153
OK, I don't know what you put in these amazing muffins, but I feel the strangest urge to be honest with you... I wasn't intending on returning with my resume. I was just here for the free food. As I nibbled on that last muffin, I realized with sudden clarity that I needed to return and put in my application for this position:

Research Contributor: Be a key player in Czerka's development of new products by simply providing attendance and feedback. A wide variety of species and genetic traits needed.
No experience required!

CZ-198 Application

1. Please tell us a little about yourself. Why do you want to be a part of the Czerka family?

Well, since i feel the urge to be honest, I must say that I have never had a family growing up. I was an orphan, and not a well-liked one at that. I have no one out there who would miss me if I suddenly disappeared, and that is sad. I would love to finally be a part of a family. The Czerka family. Gosh, the name Czerka is so amazing. It makes me feel warm and safe! Like these muffins.

2. At Czerka, we pride ourselves on our accomplishments. Please name three of your accomplishments that you are most proud of. (Please do not include family milestones such as marriages or the birth of your children.)

One of my most memorable accomplishments is the time I helped create a new... something pertaining to a plague? (not sure what a plague is, to be honest.) I'm not good with words. It might have been a strain or a cure or something, not really sure. But when I woke up, the doctors told me I was integral to the development of the whatever it was! I would love to work with such respectable people again!

I actually count working with these doctors as more than 3 accomplishments, since they said I provided so much valuable research, but you might have to ask them about it because I have the weirdest case of amnesia from that time. Um... if you happen to find out who they were, let me know. Haha, how embarrassing.

3. How did you go about achieving the accomplishments above. Would you say you would do "whatever it takes" for success?

I feel the strongest urge to say I would absolutely do whatever it takes for the success of Czerka!

4. Would you say you have a strong moral compass? Do you think this could get in the way of your job, should you be asked to do something...questionable?

Nothing that Czerka would ask me to do could possibly be questionable! What is a moral compass, again?

5. You are about to enjoy our wide variety of complimentary cocktails and snacks, when you notice that your esteemed colleague's newest experiment is likely to break out of their confines while you are gone. How would you handle this situation?

I will eat and drink anything Czerka asks of me, and mind my own business when it comes to "experiments." Nice try , Czerka, but I know "experiment" is just a code name that you give to your most important Research Contributors! I hope to be one soon! I think? Let me just grab another muffin...