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Aurbere's Avatar

03.26.2013 , 08:58 PM | #52
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
It was pretty smooth on the whole, but the pacing of the duel seemed a little inconsistent. I think that once you describe a combatant as "pushing the offensive" you want to show the results of that somehow, otherwise the effect is lost when two duelists are just switching the "offensive" back and forth without a tangible outcome.
That's a good point. Darn you hind sight!

Oh, I realized that and expected a powerful reaction. The cliched "Big NO" is just kind of hard to take seriously, maybe it's just me but it feels overly melodramatic, almost typical of fiction.

As an aside, your settings are usually quite interesting, with just enough detail to build a good mental image.
The "No" is kind of characteristic of Star Wars (it's in almost every movie lol ), so I felt that it fit.

Edit: I already have the next installment partially written and, looking back at this one, it is much better imo.
Added Chapter 66 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus