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03.26.2013 , 08:39 PM | #51
Quote: Originally Posted by Aurbere View Post
Yeah, I was afraid of that, but I think it worked well for my first time writing something akin to that.
It was pretty smooth on the whole, but the pacing of the duel seemed a little inconsistent. I think that once you describe a combatant as "pushing the offensive" you want to show the results of that somehow, otherwise the effect is lost when two duelists are just switching the "offensive" back and forth without a tangible outcome.

Quote: Originally Posted by Aurbere View Post
Well, the two Twi'leks are twin brothers and share a special bond, so The Shadow's death hit The Assassin pretty hard. The "No" was kind of involuntary.
Oh, I realized that and expected a powerful reaction. The cliched "Big NO" is just kind of hard to take seriously, maybe it's just me but it feels overly melodramatic, almost typical of fiction.

As an aside, your settings are usually quite interesting, with just enough detail to build a good mental image.
The Heir to ChaosAdded Chapter Sixteen-- 17 APR 2013
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~ George Orwell