That may well be the Godzilla of Strawman arguments.
I salute you, for having the time and energy and rage with which to craft that monstrosity of bad logic and hyperbole.
Now, let it roam forth and rage in futility. Let it roar in outrage and spew bile upon an empty landscape, devoid of people who care.
At first I thought he was working a passive aggressive performance for us all to enjoy... but upon further reflection... it reads much more as though he is well practiced as a covert aggressionist. Either way, I have to give him props for style, commitment, and dedication.....even though I disagree with his underlying message.