+Best mitigation tank (white damage only)
That's not actually true. Shadows have better mitigation because, while they have lower outright DR, they have *way* better Defense. The only mitigation-themed advantage VGs have is the most stable incoming damage profile: they'll require the most external healing, but it will vary the least.
+Best AOE aggro holding tank (lots of high damaging AOE abilities)
Nothing holds AoE threat better than a Shadow. VGs have Pulse Cannon, Mortar Volley, and the DoT cleave through HiB (Explosive Surge too, but it's pretty much a joke), which are decent, but nothing compared to the AoE threat that a Shadow gets out of Slow Time and Force Breach, both of which are high threat abilities and *way* more spammable than what VGs get. Pulse Cannon and Mortar Volley don't really qualify as "lots of high damage AoE abilities" unless you have a really strange definition of "lots" (the HiB cleave and Explosive Surge are both mediocre actual damage contributors).
+Top DPS tank (usually not a big deal, but can be if <insert boring,specific examples>)
A properly played Shadow is going to edge out a VG on total damage dealt. It's close, and VGs are *way* easier to play optimally or near optimally, so it's somewhat excusable, but it's still misinformation to say that VGs actually have the best DPS among the tanks.
-Folds to force/tech damage more so than the other tanks because the ONLY way to coop with it is a single cooldown.
You're wrong here just as much as you're wrong about VGs being the best at taking out white damage. First off, you're ignoring the fact that a vast majority of F/T attacks deal K/E damage. As such, VGs, with their ridiculous K/E DR, are actually the *best* at tanking F/T K/E damage fights. For F/T I/E damage, VGs are the worst, but the difference in tanking performance for the various ACs isn't really all that much: tank stats don't matter and I/E DR is low for all of the tanks. The only reasons Shadows and Guardians win out for F/T I/E damage is because of their active mitigation mechanisms (Blade Barrier for Guardians and self heals + Resilience for Shadows). In short, you're kinda right, but still mostly wrong (VGs are the *best* for K/E F/T fights and perfectly workable for I/E F/T fights since the difference isn't really all that impressive).
+slightly better at holding single-target aggro than Vanguards
That's not even remotely true. Unless you're a completely incompetent VG, you're going to have a *way* easier time maintaining threat than a Guardian. Guardians have roughly 15% lower base DPS and no appreciable additional threat generation (their only higher-than-standard threat abilities that have a reasonable impact on actual performance are Force Sweep with 30% additional threat and Guardian Slash with the standard 50% higher). A VG will wipe the floor with a Guard tank on threat generation: Guardians are the *absolute worst* in every threat scenario right now (it'll change in 2.0; they're getting buffed heavily).
no need to thank me noobs
Considering how much misinformation you're choosing to spread, I find it quite amusing that you're calling other people "noobs". You don't actually differentiate between K/E and I/E F/T attacks and have no idea what the actual threat and damage capabilities of the various tanks are when properly played. Probably the only thing you got correct was concerning the CDs, where VGs *are* kind of screwed by only having a single real CD.