The Short Fic Weekly Challenge Thread!
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02.19.2013 , 08:03 AM |
Prompt: NotL - Dreams and Nightmares
Class: Bounty Hunter
Set sometime after Belsavis/Hoth.
Set in my BH's universe though reading When I Wake isn't necessary to reading it.
No singing or dancing, I promise.
I sit up with a jolt, all weapons active and ready.
I attack the wriggling thing next to me, the nightmare still clinging to my mind. Reality still distant moments from my mind. I spring onto the thing next to me, straddling it and holding a knife to its throat.
The word falls from somewhere under the white. It pulls at something too new for my past to know and I with strain it's reaching hand.
'What are you and why are you in my room?'
I press harder and the thing stops any movement. I become suspicious and pull the white away to reveal it: the blonde hair, the blue eyes that hold stern concern and the tight frown.
And then the dream passes, the other thing leaves and my memory and self return.
'Torian,' I breathe with a groan. I retract all my weapons and sit back on what turns out to be his hard stomach.
'What was it this time, Cyare?' His doesn't sound frustrated or harsh: only gentle and concerned. It doesn't fail to amaze and irritate me.
My arms cross, my hands finding a grip on lean triceps. I rub my hands along them and feel my own cold, smooth skin.
That covers a range of sins and evil, doesn't it? It normalises something that can never be normalised and makes the unacceptable acceptable. I've been telling Torian only 'the usual' from the beginning, never defining, never elaborating. He never asks specifics as if he can understand what the horrors of 'the usual' are. And that makes me feel a little lonely, knowing that there are few people that will ever know how unbearable and terrible 'the usual' is and even lonelier that he isn't one of them. And if I can, I will never let him be.
'You can go sleep downstairs again if you want,' I quietly suggest. My voice is weak and pathetic in my ears when I want it strong and indifferent.
'Don't you get tired of this?' I ask a little too wearily. I hold my arms tighter across my chest, finding little security or comfort in the thin shirt I wear.
'Waking to have you on top of me? Never, Cyare.' His arms emerge to hold my waist and he gives me a small grin I can't help but quickly return. I shake my head and lie down on him. I like his heat warming my skin so much it makes me feel like it's my own. But something about that feeling makes me disgusted with myself. It makes me feel like a parasite or leech and I suppose in too many ways I am.
He wraps his arms around me and holds me so tight that I feel them say 'I will never let you go'. I can only wish to believe them.
'Utreekov,' I scold with a smile he can't see. I can feel his own smile that's hidden in my hair. Neither of us say any more for a long while. He only holds me close and I feel my ineptitude at any of this. When other women wake their men with kisses and touches, I wake mine with a knife or hand to his throat almost every g** d*mn night.
'Do you ever go to bed with me and wonder if you won't ever wake up again?'
'Gev, Cyare! You know I never do.'
'I don't know it anymore than I know that I might not realise soon enough and I might kill you,' I coldly reply, glad I can't see the frustration in his eyes.
'Then you need more faith in yourself.'
'I have faith in my ability to kill people.'
Torian gently rolls me off him and onto my back, rolling himself on top of me. His hands move to my face and I'm forced to look into his penetrating, blue eyes.
'Then have faith in me, ner atin mesh'la Champion.' His kiss if gentle and warm. His lips and tongue and hands try to remove my doubt. And they do. For these few moments or longer, I do believe him and that everything will be alright. He's alive tonight and tomorrow doesn't matter.
Ner atin mesh'la - my stubborn beautiful
Gev - Stop it!
Utreekov - fool
I had written a sadder ending for this piece but decided to go with something marginally happier. I promised myself it would end entirely happy but... why can't I write happy?