Yep, but growing as a person means to me that you can use reason instead of instincts and emotions.
If you can't help your loved one(s) of course it will feel very bad, but really mature person can handle and process this without "falling out of character". Maybe they wouldn't want to live anymore but at least they wouldn't go into murdering rampage and betray everything.
It's not just about revenge because a loved one is hurt. It's about the fact that love screws up your priorities. Jedi are renowned for being fair and impartial. It's a huge part of their job; they mediate disputes between warring parties and serve as galactic diplomats because they don't play favorites
. If a zabrak and a trandoshan have a dispute and call in a Jedi, they can count on the Jedi treating them exactly like a human and a human having a dispute, and not just siding with the zabrak because the trandoshan has claws and talks funny.
Any attachment is a threat to impartiality. If you have a homeworld that you care more about than any other planet, what happens when both that planet and another planet are in economic trouble and you have to decide which one to open trade with? If you have a ship you've loved and lived in for a decade, what happens when you have to fly that ship into a dangerous asteroid field it won't survive in order to rescue someone who might already be dead?
And if you have someone you love, what happens when that person's life is in danger and so is someone else's and you can only get to one of them in time?
Of course, it's not like Jedi don't form attachments anyway. It's not humanly possible to not. They all attached a lot of importance to the temple on Coruscant, I can't think of any notable Master-Padawan relationship that's any less biased than your typical parent-child, they all hang onto their parents' lightsabers and mourn their friends' deaths at the hands of Sith lords. Romantic love can
be more intense than those connections, but that's not a hard and fast rule and even when it's true it's a difference in magnitude, not in kind. So the solution is clearly to train Jedi to be able to overrule their desires and biases with their rational minds, not to try to do the absolute impossible and remove desire and bias altogether.
But then again, that's pretty much what the Jedi do; in the Old Republic era, Jedi like Jolee and the Kira-romancing Knight are permitted relationships by the Council because they've proven themselves capable of that judgement and self-control. Padawans like Moracen and Spanios who are half a step from the Dark Side with the bribery and the manipulation and the selfishness, on the other hand, are highly discouraged.