The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare
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12.19.2012 , 05:06 PM |
Happy Life Day? More like...well, more daycare day, I guess.
Today's post contains implicit spoilers for T7-01 and explicit spoilers for the False Emperor flashpoint.
On WEDNESDAY, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.
T7-01: Today = special guest // Darth Malgus = Sith Lord in charge of…
T7-01 swivels to face DARTH MALGUS.
T7-01: Darth Malgus = Sith Lord in charge of ???
DARTH MALGUS: I spread the influence of the Empire, bringing new planets and peoples under our control.
SCORPIO: This should be good.
DARTH MALGUS: Children, I come before you today with a vision for a new Empire, one united in–
BABY XALEK: YOU'VE GOT THE THING.
DARTH MALGUS: What?
BABY XALEK: The mask. With the voice distortion thing. Like I always wanted. Can I join you?
DARTH MALGUS: Well, yes. Certainly. As I was saying, I come before you with a vision for an Empire united. No more must we suffer under the whims of infighting Sith! No more must aliens be marginalized when their strength could be used to empower the whole!
BABY TEMPLE and BABY QUINN start whispering excitedly to each other.
SCORPIO: Children, please note that the Emperor and the Dark Council have called for Darth Malgus's head.
BABY ASHARA: But…why? He sounds surprisingly reasonable. For a Sith.
T7-01: Malgus = not reasonable // Malgus = stormed the Jedi Temple on Coruscant
BABY KIRA: He didn't do a very good job.
DARTH MALGUS: The failure to crush the Republic was the fault of my superiors. That's why they're not invited to the new galactic order. The fact is, no squabbling Sith politics will interfere with my Empire.
BABY KIRA: But wouldn't all the Sith in your new Empire just infight anyway? It's kind of what they do.
DARTH MALGUS: Well, in my new Empire I would crush anyone who tried.
BABY ASHARA: Then why don't you just crush the Dark Council instead? I have to question your ability to suppress power squabbles if you can't do it in the existing galactic order.
DARTH MALGUS: My Empire's better. I conquered Korriban once, I can do it again.
T7-01: Malgus = had help
DARTH MALGUS: Nobody important.
SCORPIO: Children, please note that Darth Malgus fought alongside his Master, Vindican, to achieve this victory. Then killed him afterward.
BABY KIRA: What? Why?
DARTH MALGUS: He got wounded. Slacker.
BABY KIRA: Not sure I see the connection. Your master, friend, and greatest ally, got wounded, ergo you murdered him?
DARTH MALGUS: His injury demonstrated that he was too weak to live. It is the natural order of things.
BABY KIRA: Natural order of things, huh?
DARTH MALGUS: Yes.
BABY KIRA: So. Wanna take off that rebreather?
DARTH MALGUS: What? No.
BABY KIRA: How come?
BABY XALEK: Hey, Kira. If you had a voice thing that sweet you wouldn't give it up, either.
BABY KIRA: Quiet, you. Come on, Malgus. How come you need the rebreather?
SCORPIO: Children, please note that Darth Malgus was critically injured in the battle for Alderaan, and has had to wear that mask ever since.
BABY KIRA: Gasp! Injured? You?
BABY XALEK picks up a ruler and advances slowly.
BABY XALEK: It is the natural order of things.
T7-01: Xalek = no assassinating major political figures // Malgus = our guest
BABY XALEK and DARTH MALGUS,
That's never stopped Sith before.
DARTH MALGUS: I can still squash you, child. But you may follow me as a servant of the new Empire.
BABY TEMPLE and BABY QUINN have finished conferring.
BABY TEMPLE: We want to follow you, too, my lord!
BABY QUINN: Assuming the paperwork is in order, my lord.
We can have paperwork in the new Empire.
BABY TEMPLE and BABY QUINN: Yay!
BABY KIRA: I really don't think you two are doing yourselves any favors.
T7-01: Malgus = killed his wife
DARTH MALGUS: Girlfriend.
T7-01: Malgus = killed his commonlaw wife
DARTH MALGUS: Korriban doesn't recognize commonlaw marriages. Doesn't count.
T7-01: Malgus = killed his girlfriend
DARTH MALGUS scowls and paces over to glower down at T7-01. One of DARTH MALGUS's hands rests on his saber.
DARTH MALGUS: I would stop this line of questioning if I were you.
T7-01: T7 = not afraid of Emperors // Malgus = terrible person
BABY QUINN: If Darth Malgus killed his girlfriend, she probably had it coming.
BABY XALEK: This stands to reason.
BABY ASHARA: I don't think that's true at all!
DARTH MALGUS: I loved my girlfriend very much, so you can just shut up.
BABY ASHARA: Didn't love her enough to not kill her.
DARTH MALGUS: No, that's the point. I loved her, which meant she could be used against me, which meant she was a weakness, which meant I had to get rid of her.
Obviously. I'm glad we cleared that up.
BABY KIRA: You are defective.
T7-01: Malgus = terrible person
DARTH MALGUS: Moving along. Children, those of you with the will and the vision to follow me without arguing all the time, come with me.
BABIES TEMPLE, QUINN, and XALEK cheerfully follow DARTH MALGUS to the door.
SCORPIO: Children, please note that a joint strike team has organized itself to eliminate Darth Malgus. The moment he steps off Forced Companions property, my calculations indicate that he will be blasted halfway back to Korriban. Lesser organisms caught in the blast will most likely die, though if you wish to volunteer to test that I will not oppose you.
DARTH MALGUS: I really wish you would shut up, droid.
SCORPIO: This warning is for your benefit. I cannot observe the galactic train wreck that is to be if you die before your New Empire has even started.
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