! I'm so glad that you like it!
Sometimes, when I glance over other people's fiction, I get kind of lost in the amount of flowery words or unnecessary description - they write the way they roleplay (which I can understand), but it can be a little... seems like they're trying too hard, maybe? I dunno, I try not to critique others work when I sometimes have doubts about my own, haha.
I wanted to give each character a little time in the spotlight this go around, which, as you noticed, Mako really appreciated. I also felt it was important to really give people a look into Torian's mind, to view his thought process and see - well, that he has one. I've seen a lot of people talk about Torian as if he's a "dumb blonde" or slow because of the way he speaks (the typical Mandalorian short sentences), when the truth is that he doesn't need to say everything he thinks because he's a man of actions rather than words.
I'm currently working on Deepening Shadows which would really be a sequel to my first story about my smuggler, though Apoc is likely to make at least a cameo appearance. What I don't mention at the end of Jailbreak is that Darth Umbral is so quick to leave the room because she felt the first pains of labor. It's been a long time since my first story, and it's time for Jedi Master Isad'ia to have her moment to shine... or fall, either one.
Of course, Apoc, Torian, and Layne now have even more to do with the reforming of Clan Cadera and their work for Mand'alor, so they will be back to being the central figures in my work as soon as Deepening Shadows is done. I hope that you'll enjoy that story too, despite its lack of Mandalorians!
Also, thank you for pointing out my formatting error, I'll take care of that in just a minute - posting my stories to the forums is a fight every time with trying to find every instance of ship names, or Mando'a speech, or thoughts that must be italicized, words that must be emphasized. I really wish I could just drop a .pdf file into the body of a post and have it use that!
Again, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and it really makes me feel good about writing more when I see just how much.
If I were to write stories, I'd love for my peers to critique me, because I'd see it as a different point of view. Off course, I wouldn't write one (I tried though) because I lack a fundamental writing skill: to be descriptive and concise (is that the word? it should mean short hahaha) at the same time. I also lack a serious amount of planning and forward thinking. I'm the type of guy who writes his essays in one stroke of the pen, never to reread it again... But I digress (a third flaw)... The point is, critique is important for growth... I know I didn't give much, because of my own lack of writing experience.
You really put a very well thought of version of Torian... I noticed when playing my Bounty Hunter that I indeed saw him as kind of a silent force, like a henchman. But when I read your first Mandalorian Story (I'm not an expert on Mandalorian Culture), I actually looked him up a bit (his likes and dislikes) and what I loved about him was the complexity of his (dis-)approvals for companion affection. Honor before all was actually really close to the way I wanted my own character to be...
Regarding Umbral, I got that "OMG, I'm starting labor" vibe when she abruptly left the room, but as long as it wasn't written, I couldn't be too sure so thanks for clearing that up ;-) I'm interested to learn more about her, because in this story she was depicted as a weird Sith... But I remember in "a Smugglers Tale" that there was more to her, and her child as well. I will have to reread that story, but it'd be my pleasure.
You seem to have a very good grasp of the Mandalorian Culture and its language (again, I'm far from knowledgeable) and maybe it's a nice idea to expand further on that in the next installment of "Of Blood and Honor". I'm sure that they'll have a lot of work ahead of them to restore the Cadera-name and maybe this is a good opportunity to show some other rituals/events/... that have a very significant impact in Mandalorian culture.
Finally, I want to ask if you have played through the Imperial Agent story line? I'm sure you will love this story as it has a lot of moral issues in it (deception, betrayal, those are our tools ;-)) and I'm interested to see a character created by you.