Wow... Just wow...
You know what is amazing? The description was always so detailed, I really felt I was there... The excitement, the passion, and even an action scene for Mako.... Your stories are truly evolving and I think you're putting more and more thought in background stories as well.
Not only that, where most fic writers would really overdo it on the "internal struggle theme" on both Layne and Raia, you really kept it clean and sober. Just enough to feel where they're coming from, but not so much that it feels obligated... You've showed this talent already with Apoc's brother and now again you have shown some really good empathy skills.
If I do have to critique something, it would be merely on format instead of content: when Raia is reading the fourth letter (which is written in Italic) there is a part where she looks at her wedding picture, which shouldn't be italic as it describes an action. But this is probably just a small error that can easily be fixed ;-)
! I'm so glad that you like it!
Sometimes, when I glance over other people's fiction, I get kind of lost in the amount of flowery words or unnecessary description - they write the way they roleplay (which I can understand), but it can be a little... seems like they're trying too hard, maybe? I dunno, I try not to critique others work when I sometimes have doubts about my own, haha.
I wanted to give each character a little time in the spotlight this go around, which, as you noticed, Mako really appreciated. I also felt it was important to really give people a look into Torian's mind, to view his thought process and see - well, that he has one. I've seen a lot of people talk about Torian as if he's a "dumb blonde" or slow because of the way he speaks (the typical Mandalorian short sentences), when the truth is that he doesn't need to say everything he thinks because he's a man of actions rather than words.
I'm currently working on Deepening Shadows
which would really be a sequel to my first story about my smuggler, though Apoc is likely to make at least a cameo appearance. What I don't mention at the end of Jailbreak
is that Darth Umbral is so quick to leave the room because she felt the first pains of labor. It's been a long time since my first story, and it's time for Jedi Master Isad'ia to have her moment to shine... or fall, either one.
Of course, Apoc, Torian, and Layne now have even more to do with the reforming of Clan Cadera and their work for Mand'alor
, so they will be back to being the central figures in my work as soon as Deepening Shadows
is done. I hope that you'll enjoy that story too, despite its lack of Mandalorians!
Also, thank you for pointing out my formatting error, I'll take care of that in just a minute - posting my stories to the forums is a fight every time with trying to find every instance of ship names, or Mando'a speech, or thoughts that must be italicized, words that must be emphasized. I really wish I could just drop a .pdf file into the body of a post and have it use that!
Again, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and it really makes me feel good about writing more when I see just how much.