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Syart's Avatar

11.28.2012 , 01:01 PM | #2
An interesting beginning, I hope to see more of Naram-Suen's growing up (great name too by the way)

Just one thing, try and keep paragraphs separated by a full space, it makes it easier to read, like this:

Quote: Originally Posted by DracoAesir View Post
Naram-Suen was 14 years old; he did not look quite like his brother and father did, they both had cheek tendrils, light red skin, red eyes and both had 5 clawed digits on each hand and feet.

Naram-Suen had been different since he was born; his eyes were a bright yellow, his skin dark red, he had been born with 4 clawed digits on each hand and feet. As he had grown older his body had continued to develop differently than his brother. When Naram-suen’s teeth grew out they were sharp, he had grown small cranial horns around his 13th birthday, horns that continuously grew at a slow pace. Unlike his father and brother he did not have tendrils instead he had 4 cartilaginous points on his chin that grew harder the older he got.

At his 13th birthday his father had explained to him that these differences that there was between them was a sign of his blood being more pure than his own. He didn’t explain to him how that could be, only that he should be proud of the purity of his blood; for in the times they lived in, the sith species had been weakened. He remembered his father’s words clearly
“My son, we live in a time where the power of the Sith have weakened, I see in you a chance for our species to reclaim our rightful place in the empire, a change to cleanse our blood of its corruption, and to bring about the fall of the republic.

When Naram looked around the room he began to understand what his father had talked about when he had said that the sith bloodline was thinning out, around the table he saw “sith” with almost none of the characteristics of the pureblood except for the red skin. The thought of his people’s purity at risk made his blood boil with anger.
Control, passion, diligence: these three principles shape your world.

Lord Scourge: To repeat a mistake and expect a beneficial outcome is a sign of insanity.