Cross-post with bits added to the end.
EDIT: Posted them out of order... Good job, Fino.
I Need a Pair of Pants
A Decent Pair of Pants!
Ald was beyond happy being bestowed a new crew member who was tastefully attractive without being a giant blue pile of sarcasm. It wasn’t that he hated Vette, but she was poor company for an up and coming Sith Lord such as himself. The officer, however, was perfect. Unquestioning, loyal, and he had a nice bum. Ald wondered briefly if he should dress as an Imperial officer to show off his bum. The thought followed him to the bridge where he was briefly greeted by said officer’s bum before the stiff man turned around and slipped into parade rest.
“My Lord, there is something I wish to discuss with you,” Malavai Quinn announced as the aforementioned Lord entered the bridge.
“There’s something I’d like to discuss with you, as well, Captain,” Ald said kindly.
“After you, my Lord.”
“I prefer to be called Ald.”
“Out of the question, my Lord,” the Captain replied stiffly and quickly.
“If it makes you feel better,” Ald murmured as he shifted and crossed his arms, “you can call me Lord Ald.”
“The furthest I will go is Lord Aldrdinar. It is proper and shows respect.”
“You’re not even saying it right. It’s All-dir-dee-narh.”
“Your file says it is pronounced All-der-de-narh.”
“I know how to pronounce my own name!” Ald huffed.
“Even Darth Baras pronounces it the way the file says,” the Captain replied stiffly.
“I pronounce it differently.”
“You can’t just change how your name is pronounced whenever you feel like it.”
“I’m Sith, I do what I want.”
“Are you arguing with me, Captain?”
The Captain started and shifted uncomfortably. “I wouldn’t dream of it, my Lord.”
“Good. Now, what did you wish to discuss?”
“I need to requisition new pants, my Lord. These are a bit tight in personal areas,” the Captain said stiffly.
“Do I need to sign something?”
The Captain produced a datapad from his magic uniform pockets and handed it to Ald. With a few taps and a beep, Quinn’s new pants were on their way.
“Thank you for attending to this matter, my Lord,” the Captain said gratefully. He gave Ald a small bow then moved to turn back to his duties.
“Anything for you, Captain,” Ald said quietly as he left the bridge.
The Captain’s ear twitched as he picked up his Lord’s last words to him before his departure. He was definitely different from the other Sith Lords he had served. He wasn’t sure that was a good thing.
When the Captain’s pants arrived, Ald was sure to check on him to ensure his new pants were a comfortable fit.
“How are the new pants suiting you, Captain?” Ald asked curiously.
“Very well, my Lord. It’s amazing what a few extra millimeters can do for a man,” the Captain replied conversationally.
“Tell me about it,” Ald murmured forlornly.
“Well, I can move a damn sight better without fear of my bits being squished or fear of my pants ripping to shreds at a crucial moment in time. During an assassination, for example.”
Ald hadn’t been expecting a serious answer. He spat out a laugh that quickly evolved into a fit of the giggles. So hard was he laughing at Quinn’s obtuse response tears sprang to his eyes. The Captain stared a bit uncomfortably as Ald cried tears of laughter. He shifted his weight a few times while he waited for the Sith Lord to regain his composure.
Ald sniffed and wiped his eyes. “You’re a riot, Quinn,” Ald said, laughter still in his voice.
He patted the confused Captain on the shoulder and chuckled to himself all the way to the ship’s kitchen area. Quinn stared after him in confusion. Aldrdinar was a strange one. He would have to include a variable for the random silly the Sith Lord could find in everyday conversations. Perhaps it would save his life some day.