The Alternate Universe Weekly Challenge Thread
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10.31.2012 , 08:12 PM |
, I guess? I just got this idea for an alternate universe that I thought would be kind of fun, albeit totally canonically impossible.
Major JK and SI spoilers:
~what if~ the Knight legit killed the Emperor? The Dark Council, including courtesan-turned-Sith Meenah, convenes to decide who should take over.
That's right, it's time for WHAT IF MEENAH WAS THE EMPRESS
"The Emperor is dead."
There was a heavy solemnity in the room. We all knew it already, of course - the news was flying through the Empire at the speed of light - but to hear it in person made it real. The rest of the Dark Council seemed to be experiencing a mix of sadness and agitation - after all, succession was no easy matter. They sat perfectly still, rigid and upright, afraid to make a move.
Except for me. I was, as usual, draped lazily on my chair like a fine silk dress. I was reading a datapad that I claimed contained Council notes and Sith texts, but was really full of bad erotic literature. I didn't look up at Darth Marr when he made his announcement; I simply said, "How very sad. Send my condolences to the family."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see him staring at me. He narrowed his eyes into a sharp glare. Several of the other Council members turned their heads to look at me in surprise and disdain.
"What? I never met him; you can't really expect me to be broken-hearted," I said, shifting into an upright position. I rested my elbow on the arm of the chair and my cheek in my hand, looking toward the Darth with what I hoped was a challenging gaze. His eyes met mine for a long moment, but then he looked away. I knew he didn't want me to reveal to the entire Council that in my pre-Sith life, as a courtesan in Kaas City, he'd sought out my services more than once.
Not that he had to worry, because every member of the Dark Council had visited my bed at least once. But I wouldn't tell him that. It was hilarious to me that they all thought they were the only ones who'd been to see me, that they all thought I was their personal dirty little secret. If only they knew.
"We must choose the next Emperor," Darth Marr intoned. He held up a small object; I squinted at it and saw that it was a purple crystal. "This crystal is imbued with Force power. We will perform the necessary ritual, and it will show us who should succeed to the throne. It will travel around our circle and stop before our successor."
I sighed. Darth Marr turned to me. "If you are bored, Darth Imperius, you may leave."
I waved a hand. "Oh, I wouldn't miss this."
We all stood in a circle, and Darth Marr put the crystal on a small altar in the center. He began to chant, and we all meditated quietly, contributing our own power to the ritual. At least, that was what I assumed everyone else was doing. I was daydreaming. This meeting was boring. What did it matter who ended up as the next Emperor? I really didn't care. My position was perfectly secure, what with my blackmail material and my lovely purple lightning. Whoever it was, the Empire would just be more of the same. Boring. Things were much more interesting back at the ship, with my entourage, with Andronikos...I began to drift off into a pleasant daydream about the two of us, letting a soft haze come over me like I was just a bit drunk. I certainly wasn't drunk enough for this meeting.
The noise startled me out of my daydream right when it was getting good. Annoyed, I looked over at the offender, who was staring in shock at me. Had I been caught daydreaming? I cast my eyes around the circle and realized that they were all looking at me, their faces a mixture of surprise and disbelief. I became aware of something touching my foot, and I looked down at the floor to see the purple crystal had come to rest right before the hem of my robes.
"Hmm," I said idly. "Would you look at that?"
"She's a Twi'lek - a slave! And she's drunk all the time!" one of the Darths cried. I think it was Jadus. I turned my head enough to see Jadus and his stupid mask gesticulating wildly. I rolled my eyes and shot a jolt of purple lightning at him. He quickly shut up.
"You're so annoying and stupid, Jadus," I said. Now that I fully outranked every one of them, I could say exactly what I really thought. I wondered if he was crying under his dumb mask. Idiot.
"Nobody knows what happened here," spoke up someone else. "We could kill her and choose another."
I laughed. "Try it! My Dashade will come running to avenge me. My spirit will be standing in the corner, laughing at the whole thing. I'd like to see it."
He dropped his gaze and bowed his head a little in submission.
"We must accept what the Force has shown us," Darth Marr said, though he sounded less than pleased. His tone was even, masking his anger. In measured tones, he said, "Glory to the Empress."
The rest of the Council echoed him: "Glory to the Empress."
"You can't show some more enthusiasm?" I asked. Then I waved a hand dismissively. "You'll get the hang of it, I'm sure." I whirled around and swung open the door, allowing the Honor Guard to take a step inside. "Tell them," I said.
Darth Marr's steely gaze was fixed on me. "She is the new Empress."
The two Sith looked at him, then at me, then back to Darth Marr in disbelief. He nodded in assent. "Take her to the Citadel. Inform the people that they have a new Empress."
I felt like I could dance. I broke into a huge smile as the Honor Guard prepared to escort me out. Before I could leave, I spun around again and addressed the Council.
"By the way, before I go," I said, "I slept with
all of you
." I cackled maniacally, then sashayed out of the room - not before catching a glimpse of their shocked faces.
Finally, I'd really won.
"We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility...are you ready to wreak some havoc?"