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10.16.2012 , 01:01 PM | #309
A special long FCD after a special long server maintenance delay! I believe Vesaniae suggested one of today's guest stars, though she writes him much more awesomely than I know how to…


BABY QYZEN FESS jumps out from behind the toybox and leaps to tag KHEM VAL's tummy.
KHEM VAL: I should really make you into the morning snack.
LORD SCOURGE: His species doesn't taste very good.
Everybody turns to stare at Lord Scourge.
LORD SCOURGE: I am only telling the truth.
LORD SCOURGE smiles unsettlingly at BABY QYZEN FESS.
BABY KIRA: I thought you couldn't get any more points anyway, Qyzen? You were dishonored. Plus, you already got points on all of us before that.
BABY QYZEN FESS: It all resets on Tuesdays.
LORD SCOURGE facepalms.
KHEM VAL: Moving on to less ridiculous subjects. Children, we have some returning guests today.
Six very young children in fearsome outfits toddle in. They are wearing an assortment of close-fitted, face-concealing helmets, some feathered, some metallic, one resembling a human brain in texture.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Tremble, children. We are in town for the morning.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4, waving his arms impressively: HssssSSSSSsssskhaaaa!
The room goes quiet.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: For stars' sake, Four, wait for the signal. You look like an idiot when you go off by yourself like that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4 hunches up sulkily.
BABY DREAD MASTER 6: We agreed on methods of intimidation that are less easily confused with "My mask is slowly asphyxiating me."
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: "Ooga booga booga" was the next best option, you jerks, and you won't let me do that, either.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I'm sorry, guys. We're having kind of an off day. Um, how are you all?
BABY KIRA: Fascinated by the train wreck, I can tell you that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Terrified and fascinated, I hope.
KHEM VAL: I was expecting better entertainment than this, little Sith.
LORD SCOURGE: Have you been up to anything exciting since your last visit, Dread Masters?
The BABY DREAD MASTERS exchange looks.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: You could say that, yes.
Before the BABY DREAD MASTERS can continue, a chill ripples through the room. The door sweeps open and a tall, slim Sith in long robes and a blank metal helmet steps in.
The BABY DREAD MASTERS exchange looks again.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Our hat-masks are scarier.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Definitely. Ours are terrifying.
BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Mine's got feathers.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I dunno, there's a certain elegance to the monochrome curved metal and the air of –
DARTH JADUS: Children. Kneel before your betters.
The children instinctively kneel. All except BABY DREAD MASTER 3.
BABY DREAD MASTER 3, looking around at KHEM VAL, LORD SCOURGE, and DARTH JADUS: Hsst! Guys! Help me out here! Which one's our betters?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1 Force yanks BABY DREAD MASTER 3 to his knees before DARTH JADUS.
DARTH JADUS: You are wise. Now. I come before you today to –
LORD SCOURGE: Is that blood?
LORD SCOURGE: All over the hem of your robes. Is that blood?
DARTH JADUS: Yes. There was a father-daughter picnic on Korriban earlier today.
KHEM VAL: No tracking blood in on the floor.
LORD SCOURGE: Our employer gets very irritable about it.
KHEM VAL: He accuses us of murdering things.
DARTH JADUS: You are a Sith and a Dashade. Isn't murdering things in your very nature?
LORD SCOURGE: Try telling that to Teeseven.
KHEM VAL: Please. Just mind the mess.
DARTH JADUS: I am here to seek servants for my new vision of a glorious Empire, an Empire ruled by fear, misery, and the unshakeable rule of the powerful and the cruel.
LORD SCOURGE: Really? Sign me up.
KHEM VAL: Me, too.
The BABY DREAD MASTERS confer among themselves.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Excuse me, Mister Darth Jadus? Sir?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: What he means is, my lord, can the terrifying be in your unshakeable rule, too?
DARTH JADUS: Certainly. I mean to spread horror and degradation to every corner of the galaxy.
BABY KIRA: That's a questionable form of government.
KHEM VAL: I've not heard such an excellent campaign platform since the days of Tulak Hord.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: I bet you could use six completely terrifying scariness machines for your plan. Ooga-
The room falls silent.
LORD SCOURGE: Jadus, you're actively dripping. You really will have to go outside.
KHEM VAL: He's right. This isn't Chabosh, you know. Rivers of blood are against daycare policy.
DARTH JADUS: You cannot command me, slave.
KHEM VAL: I was ravaging Yn and Chabosh when your great-great-great-great-grandfather wasn't thought of yet.
DARTH JADUS stands, very calmly, and tilts his head a little bit.
KHEM VAL: Please don't hurt me.
DARTH JADUS: That is what I thought. Now, who will come with me to –
BABY QYZEN FESS launches himself from where he had been sitting and reaches out for DARTH JADUS's tummy.
DARTH JADUS raises a hand and Force swats BABY QYZEN FESS aside. BABY QYZEN FESS stays curled up in a ball, shaking.
BABY KIRA: Hey, does that mean you're dishonored this week too and can't get any more points?
BABY QYZEN FESS, irritably: Maybe.
LORD SCOURGE: Hmm. Thank you, Jadus. We are in your debt.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1, eyeing the shaking BABY QYZEN FESS: I bet we coulda done that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Definitely. Where's the little fish-guy? We could melt him to jelly, easy.
LORD SCOURGE, pointing at the quivering pile of nap mats in the corner: He's been like that since Darth Jadus came in.
DARTH JADUS: I am nothing if not efficient.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: We will have difficulty terrifying anybody if you're going to flatten the room the second you step in.
DARTH JADUS: As my servants I will send you forth to work my will and herald my new age. You can terrify people while you're out on assignment.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Excellent. We are the scariest guys ever. Ever. – Hey, One, can we do the hissing thing already?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Oh, all right. On three. One, two –
BABY DREAD MASTERS, waving their arms impressively: HsssssssssSSSSSSsssssss
DARTH JADUS nods in approval.
DARTH JADUS: New plan. I will adopt these six.
DARTH JADUS: Now. My servants have been chosen. Let us drive the remainder of these children to madness and self-destruction, then break for lunch.
KHEM VAL: Oh, no. You're not driving our regulars anywhere.
DARTH JADUS: I thought you wanted fear and devastation, Dashade? A return to the glories of Tulak Hord?
KHEM VAL: I have spent way, way too long not-murdering these kids to let some schmuck walk in and do it for me now.
DARTH JADUS: You may devour them all once they are driven mad by the purifying darkness. It makes little difference to me.
KHEM VAL: When I kill them all I'll do it solo, thanks.
KHEM VAL: Okay, it'll be a Forced Companions staff thing. You haven't earned the right, Jadus.
BABY KIRA, nervously: Um. Mister Khem Val?
KHEM VAL: Relax, little Jedi. That day is not today.
BABY KIRA: Not very comforting.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Darn. Hey, can you guys make at least one of the kids feel better so we can terrify somebody ourselves here?
DARTH JADUS: No. My plans call us elsewhere. Come with me and you will help to usher in a new epoch of terror.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2 and BABY DREAD MASTER 4 high-five each other, as do BABY DREAD MASTER 3 and BABY DREAD MASTER 6. BABY DREAD MASTER 5 makes a chillingly ominous fist pump.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: A little dignity, guys?
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Right. Uh, yes, great master. We'll be the most terrifying servants of darkness ever!
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