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bright_ephemera
10.16.2012 , 01:01 PM | #309
A special long FCD after a special long server maintenance delay! I believe Vesaniae suggested one of today's guest stars, though she writes him much more awesomely than I know how to…


On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.


BABY QYZEN FESS jumps out from behind the toybox and leaps to tag KHEM VAL's tummy.
BABY QYZEN FESS: Point!
KHEM VAL: I should really make you into the morning snack.
LORD SCOURGE: His species doesn't taste very good.
Everybody turns to stare at Lord Scourge.
LORD SCOURGE: I am only telling the truth.
LORD SCOURGE smiles unsettlingly at BABY QYZEN FESS.
BABY KIRA: I thought you couldn't get any more points anyway, Qyzen? You were dishonored. Plus, you already got points on all of us before that.
BABY QYZEN FESS: It all resets on Tuesdays.
LORD SCOURGE facepalms.
KHEM VAL: Moving on to less ridiculous subjects. Children, we have some returning guests today.
Six very young children in fearsome outfits toddle in. They are wearing an assortment of close-fitted, face-concealing helmets, some feathered, some metallic, one resembling a human brain in texture.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Tremble, children. We are in town for the morning.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4, waving his arms impressively: HssssSSSSSsssskhaaaa!
The room goes quiet.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: For stars' sake, Four, wait for the signal. You look like an idiot when you go off by yourself like that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4 hunches up sulkily.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Hsssssss
BABY DREAD MASTER 6 punches BABY DREAD MASTER 4.
BABY DREAD MASTER 6: We agreed on methods of intimidation that are less easily confused with "My mask is slowly asphyxiating me."
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: "Ooga booga booga" was the next best option, you jerks, and you won't let me do that, either.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I'm sorry, guys. We're having kind of an off day. Um, how are you all?
BABY KIRA: Fascinated by the train wreck, I can tell you that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Terrified and fascinated, I hope.
BABY KIRA: Nope.
KHEM VAL: I was expecting better entertainment than this, little Sith.
LORD SCOURGE: Have you been up to anything exciting since your last visit, Dread Masters?
The BABY DREAD MASTERS exchange looks.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: You could say that, yes.
Before the BABY DREAD MASTERS can continue, a chill ripples through the room. The door sweeps open and a tall, slim Sith in long robes and a blank metal helmet steps in.
The BABY DREAD MASTERS exchange looks again.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Our hat-masks are scarier.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Definitely. Ours are terrifying.
BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Mine's got feathers.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I dunno, there's a certain elegance to the monochrome curved metal and the air of –
DARTH JADUS: Children. Kneel before your betters.
The children instinctively kneel. All except BABY DREAD MASTER 3.
BABY DREAD MASTER 3, looking around at KHEM VAL, LORD SCOURGE, and DARTH JADUS: Hsst! Guys! Help me out here! Which one's our betters?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1 Force yanks BABY DREAD MASTER 3 to his knees before DARTH JADUS.
DARTH JADUS: You are wise. Now. I come before you today to –
LORD SCOURGE: Is that blood?
DARTH JADUS: What?
LORD SCOURGE: All over the hem of your robes. Is that blood?
DARTH JADUS: Yes. There was a father-daughter picnic on Korriban earlier today.
KHEM VAL: No tracking blood in on the floor.
LORD SCOURGE: Our employer gets very irritable about it.
KHEM VAL: He accuses us of murdering things.
DARTH JADUS: You are a Sith and a Dashade. Isn't murdering things in your very nature?
LORD SCOURGE: Try telling that to Teeseven.
KHEM VAL: Please. Just mind the mess.
DARTH JADUS: I am here to seek servants for my new vision of a glorious Empire, an Empire ruled by fear, misery, and the unshakeable rule of the powerful and the cruel.
LORD SCOURGE: Really? Sign me up.
KHEM VAL: Me, too.
The BABY DREAD MASTERS confer among themselves.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Excuse me, Mister Darth Jadus? Sir?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: What he means is, my lord, can the terrifying be in your unshakeable rule, too?
DARTH JADUS: Certainly. I mean to spread horror and degradation to every corner of the galaxy.
BABY KIRA: That's a questionable form of government.
KHEM VAL: I've not heard such an excellent campaign platform since the days of Tulak Hord.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: I bet you could use six completely terrifying scariness machines for your plan. Ooga-
BABY DREAD MASTER 6 punches BABY DREAD MASTER 4.
DARTH JADUS: Silence.
The room falls silent.
LORD SCOURGE: Jadus, you're actively dripping. You really will have to go outside.
KHEM VAL: He's right. This isn't Chabosh, you know. Rivers of blood are against daycare policy.
DARTH JADUS: You cannot command me, slave.
KHEM VAL: I was ravaging Yn and Chabosh when your great-great-great-great-grandfather wasn't thought of yet.
DARTH JADUS stands, very calmly, and tilts his head a little bit.
KHEM VAL: Please don't hurt me.
DARTH JADUS: That is what I thought. Now, who will come with me to –
BABY QYZEN FESS launches himself from where he had been sitting and reaches out for DARTH JADUS's tummy.
DARTH JADUS: No.
DARTH JADUS raises a hand and Force swats BABY QYZEN FESS aside. BABY QYZEN FESS stays curled up in a ball, shaking.
BABY KIRA: Hey, does that mean you're dishonored this week too and can't get any more points?
BABY QYZEN FESS, irritably: Maybe.
LORD SCOURGE: Hmm. Thank you, Jadus. We are in your debt.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1, eyeing the shaking BABY QYZEN FESS: I bet we coulda done that.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Definitely. Where's the little fish-guy? We could melt him to jelly, easy.
LORD SCOURGE, pointing at the quivering pile of nap mats in the corner: He's been like that since Darth Jadus came in.
DARTH JADUS: I am nothing if not efficient.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: We will have difficulty terrifying anybody if you're going to flatten the room the second you step in.
DARTH JADUS: As my servants I will send you forth to work my will and herald my new age. You can terrify people while you're out on assignment.
BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Excellent. We are the scariest guys ever. Ever. – Hey, One, can we do the hissing thing already?
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Oh, all right. On three. One, two –
BABY DREAD MASTERS, waving their arms impressively: HsssssssssSSSSSSsssssss
DARTH JADUS nods in approval.
DARTH JADUS: New plan. I will adopt these six.
DARTH JADUS turns to KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.
DARTH JADUS: Now. My servants have been chosen. Let us drive the remainder of these children to madness and self-destruction, then break for lunch.
KHEM VAL: Oh, no. You're not driving our regulars anywhere.
DARTH JADUS: I thought you wanted fear and devastation, Dashade? A return to the glories of Tulak Hord?
KHEM VAL: I have spent way, way too long not-murdering these kids to let some schmuck walk in and do it for me now.
DARTH JADUS: You may devour them all once they are driven mad by the purifying darkness. It makes little difference to me.
KHEM VAL: When I kill them all I'll do it solo, thanks.
LORD SCOURGE: Ahem.
KHEM VAL: Okay, it'll be a Forced Companions staff thing. You haven't earned the right, Jadus.
BABY KIRA, nervously: Um. Mister Khem Val?
KHEM VAL: Relax, little Jedi. That day is not today.
BABY KIRA: Not very comforting.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Darn. Hey, can you guys make at least one of the kids feel better so we can terrify somebody ourselves here?
DARTH JADUS: No. My plans call us elsewhere. Come with me and you will help to usher in a new epoch of terror.
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Yay!
BABY DREAD MASTER 2 and BABY DREAD MASTER 4 high-five each other, as do BABY DREAD MASTER 3 and BABY DREAD MASTER 6. BABY DREAD MASTER 5 makes a chillingly ominous fist pump.
BABY DREAD MASTER 1: A little dignity, guys?
BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Right. Uh, yes, great master. We'll be the most terrifying servants of darkness ever!
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