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bright_ephemera
10.12.2012 , 05:12 PM | #304
I am incredibly lazy, but I have no intention of abandoning this thread! I may not get HK-51 if he requires flashpoints...but...HK series. I do want him.

On THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE.


T7-01: Today = very special guest // children = learn great lessons
LORD SCOURGE: Today we are hearing from a Jedi. Not a very good one, either, but her hypocrisy is perhaps representative of her order, so it will be instructive.
T7-01: Satele Shan = amazing + awesome + special + best Jedi // Jedi = wonderful // Satele = great
A sour-looking woman with a somewhat distorted-looking custom model walks in. Her lips are slightly blue but she does not otherwise appear to have oxygen issues.
BABY KIRA: Somehow you're smaller than I expected.
SATELE SHAN: Greetings, children. I am Satele Shan, Grand Master of the Jedi Order.
BABY ASHARA: I didn't vote for you.
SATELE SHAN: You don't vote for the Grand Master.
BABY KIRA: Then how did you get the job?
SATELE SHAN: Well, the Jedi who matter agreed on it.
BABY ASHARA: Do you even have any kind of qualifications?
LORD SCOURGE: Nothing convincing.
SATELE SHAN: Ahem. I happen to come from a long and distinguished line of Jedi, as you of all people should know, Scourge.
BABY PIERCE: If they were Jedi, how come they have descendants?
SATELE SHAN hesitates.
SATELE SHAN: It's Jedi business. Don't question.
LORD SCOURGE: Satele, the word for Jedi who run around having children is "wretchedly half-hearted Sith."
SATELE SHAN: You think everything Force-sensitive that moves is Sith, Scourge.
LORD SCOURGE: They would be if they had any sense.
SATELE SHAN: ANYWAY, children. I'm here to say that the Force sensitives among you are invited to come train to be Jedi with us.
BABY GUSS: YES!
BABIES ASHARA, KIRA, and JAESA: Not you.
BABY GUSS:
BABY TEMPLE: Not me, either!
BABY ASHARA: Well, duh. I'll come along, though, Master Satele!
LORD SCOURGE: I feel I should warn you that this Jedi has zero credibility.
BABY JAESA: She does have a son. I heard. I don't know how to feel about that.
BABY KIRA: Master Satele, that's a betrayal of everything the Jedi stand for.
SATELE SHAN: Technically we're only opposed to attachment. I only slept with the guy like once. No attachment involved.
BABY ASHARA: Your baby had an umbilical cord. I don't see how much more attached it gets.
SATELE SHAN: I abandoned and disavowed him at the first opportunity. I don't see the problem here.
LORD SCOURGE: Yes, you yourself are one of the few things in the galaxy you don't see a problem with.
BABY QUINN: So where would these children train? The Jedi Temple on Coruscant was destroyed by the Empire's superior firepower.
SATELE SHAN: We would go to Tython, naturally.
BABY QUINN: Noted.
SATELE SHAN: …That was supposed to be a secret.
BABY QUINN preens.
BABY PIERCE. Huh. Did you just get something right?
BABY JAESA: That's kind of amazing.
LORD SCOURGE: It wasn't that amazing. Tython is the worst-kept secret in the galaxy.
BABY GUSS: But if we go there we can be Jedi, right?
BABY ASHARA: No.
BABY GUSS:
SATELE SHAN: Patience, Ashara. Guss, Tython can be a very dangerous place. You probably don't qualify.
BABY KIRA: Dangerous? How?
SATELE SHAN: It's overrun by savage natives called Flesh Raiders. We keep trying to eliminate them but they keep respawning.
LORD SCOURGE: Your official policy is genocide?
SATELE SHAN, defensively: They're really mean, okay?
BABY KIRA: Let me get this straight. As a matter of basic policy you're encouraging the slaughter of the native species?
SATELE SHAN: Native? Please. The Jedi were on Tython first.
LORD SCOURGE: I think the Flesh Raiders can claim squatters' rights after 25,000 years.
SATELE SHAN: It's Jedi business. I don't have to listen to you. Anyway, I should go. I'm scheduled for a very busy afternoon of being a great and famous voice for peace.
BABY PIERCE: Peace unless you're a Flesh Raider.
LORD SCOURGE: Or any Sith Master Satele claims she can sense treachery in, which is all of them.
SATELE SHAN: We wouldn't have to fight you all the time if you would just recognize that our philosophy is the only correct one and everybody who disagrees must be locked up, brainwashed, or killed. The Jedi are our only hope for peace.
LORD SCOURGE, BABY TEMPLE, BABY PIERCE, and BABY QUINN exchange skeptical looks.
BABY QUINN: There is an alternate means of establishing peace, Jedi.
SATELE SHAN: Oh?
BABY QUINN: It simply entails eliminating you and the rest of your order.
BABY QUINN presses a small remote control. Several ITTY BITTY WAR DROIDS scurry out from the kitchen and toybox. One of them climbs out of KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING's pet cage.
KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Stop illegally modding my walker.
BABY QUINN: I'm putting it to better use.
KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Can I at least ride it out into battle? I hate this cage.
BABY QUINN: The Empire has no further use for you, Hutt. You can rot where you are.
KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: My next exchange-of-unimaginable-wealth deal is so going to the Republic.
The ITTY BITTY WAR DROIDS surround SATELE SHAN, pointing suction-cup blasters at her.
BABY QUINN: I have you now, Jedi.
SATELE SHAN blinks.
SATELE SHAN: I don't think that's true at all.
SATELE SHAN waves negligently.
SATELE SHAN: Hey. Somebody. You're uniquely qualified to help me with this, so get on it. I'm not inclined to expend the effort myself right now.
BABY PIERCE: You think there's effort involved in dealing with Quinn?
LORD SCOURGE: Pathetic.
BABY PIERCE leans over and punches one of the ITTY BITTY WAR DROIDS into scrap.
BABY PIERCE: Easy.
BABY QUINN: That droid was for crushing Jedi! You like crushing Jedi!
BABY PIERCE: Not as much as I like making you miserable.
BABY QUINN: The rest of you! Attack!
SATELE SHAN: Children? Someone? Clean this up for me. I don't have all day here.
As the ITTY BITTY WAR DROIDS clank into action, flinging suction cup darts at SATELE SHAN, BABIES JAESA, ASHARA, and KIRA charge forth and start cleanly disabling the droids. BABY GUSS charges forth and flails ineffectually. BABY JAESA wrests a toy blaster from the last of the droids and turns on BABY QUINN with an evil grin. BABY KIRA grabs her wrist and gives her a stern look.
BABY KIRA: Be nice.
BABY JAESA: Oh! Right.
BABY JAESA looks adorable and innocent.
T7-01: Quinn = misbehaving // suction dart blasters = strictly forbidden
BABY QUINN: I dismantled the defenses of the clubhouse. We were still allowed to use those. You never specified that they had to stay attached to the house.
T7-01: Suction dart blasters = going back to the turrets // Quinn = no clubhouse privileges anymore
BABY QUINN: What!? How am I going to play Crush the Republic without the clubhouse defenses?
T7-01: Quinn = should have thought of that earlier
LORD SCOURGE: The droid is right. Additionally, you wasted this attack on the Grand Master of the Jedi Order when there were three would-be Jedi padawans eager to prove themselves in the room.
BABY GUSS: Four!
LORD SCOURGE: Three.
BABY GUSS:
LORD SCOURGE: In any case, Quinn, it was a total waste of your one chance to take advantage of the blaster-rules loophole.
BABY QUINN, despondently: I could probably have planned this better.
SATELE SHAN: And it's times like this when I start thinking maybe we don't have to be all that worried about the threat posed by the Empire.
LORD SCOURGE: Don't get too comfortable.
SATELE SHAN: Leaving now. Jaesa, Ashara, Kira, stop by Tython later and you can help me with the Flesh Raider genocide.
BABY JAESA: Yaaay!
BABY KIRA and BABY ASHARA exchange dubious looks.
BABY KIRA: That's bad, Jaesa.
BABY JAESA: But...the Grand Master of the Jedi Order said...
BABY KIRA: I know she's good in theory, but her recommendation is pure evil.
BABY JAESA: I have no idea how to react to that.
LORD SCOURGE: You never do.


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