Knightless: A Jedi Knight Alternate Universe
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09.18.2012 , 05:28 PM |
The Prologue that Wasn't Page 5
Coremi senses the deaths of her parents after the massive explosion that shakes the bunker. She “force-screams” for a second before collapsing. Adella’s son comes to tell the people in the bunker the way is clear. He tells Adella that Maks and Selena are dead. She tells him that Coremi could use the Force. They discuss the danger of keeping a force sensitive child. Adella takes Coremi to the Republic base. Adella does not speak basic and misspells Coremi’s name.
Panel 1: Close up of Coremi sleeping, mostly eyes
Panel 2: Pull back slightly still close to face, her eyes open. (Background BOOM? May not be necessary.)
Panel 3: Same close up, Coremi screams. Blur around her face in a circle to indicate the force of it.
Panel 4: Adella’s son appears in the doorway
Rolan: The way is clear, everyone move out.
Panel 5: Adella holding Coremi facing Rolan, side view.
Adella: Where are Maks and Selena?
Rolan: They’re dead.
Adella: She felt it. She screamed for her mother, it felt like a punch. I think she can use the Force.
Rolan: Mother if the Imps find a force sensitive among us,they’ll kiss us all.
Panel 6: Touching her bleeding nose.
Adella: She felt it. She screamed it felt like a punch. I think she can use the force.
Rolan: Mother, if the Imps find a force sensitive among us, they’ll kill us all.
Panel 7: Adella speaking to a Jedi, Jedi hands her a datapad.
Adella: You’re right, I will take her to the Republic base, she will go to the Jedi.
Jedi: Enter her name here.
Adella: I don’t write basic.
Jedi: Just do your best.
Panel 8: Zoom in on datapad it reads Remi Syeriy
Comic Page 5 in the FanArt Thread
This was 3 boring pages that I crammed into one which is why it has the most dialog and I still cut a ton of dialog out from the script. The pacing felt a little off to me. Let me know if you have any feedback about it.
Short Fic Challenge Thread
Remi the Grey