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12.19.2011 , 04:48 PM | #2
Day 2 - Korriban

I'm actually enjoying my time, here. It's much warmer on this planet than I've ever felt before, and something about that feels very right. Looking back at what I've written, I suppose it looks as if I think quite highly of myself. I'm not sure if this is true. Certainly, I managed to do what many Sith have attempted; I infiltrated the Jedi. Indeed, I was trained by them. Had I understood this position better, I might have used it to my advantage and learned their secrets. However, in my position, I was ignorant. I had no idea how to progress toward my goal, which I didn't allow myself to think of very often.

The Jedi are cunning spies. They allow themselves to feel the thoughts of others by keeping their minds open. Emotions such as hatred, excitement, nervousness, can be felt more acutely. Therefore, I would not allow myself to think about how much I hated them unless I was completely and utterly alone. Outside of that solitute, I kept my mind blank, as they taught me. It did not give me much time to plan, but I had a basic idea of what to do. I knew that whenever possible, I must escape to the Sith, and reveal what I had learned. Also, I wanted to bring my sister.

My sister, however, had grown with the Jedi. Unlike me, she was taken in as a baby. She had no memories of our parents, and would not allow me to speak of them for fear of strong emotions. The Jedi brainwashed her to the point where she hid all emotion, but she could not hide the pride in her voice when she spoke of her background. She intended on proving the Jedi, and their suspicion of her, wrong.

When Khali faced her own rite of passage, I was old enough to become a Padawan. Having passed the Initiate trial, I was chosen by Master Everyn. Khali, meanwhile, was tested by Rhissa in her weakest talent; combat. My poor Khali was strong with the force, but physically weak. She managed to defeat the forest beasts that Rhissa set her on, but only through her use of the Force, and a few broken bones. I was impressed by my sister, but her tattoo choices were as passive as she was. Khali chose symbols that represented peace, tranquility, and gentleness. Our appearances were suddenly very different.

Whereas I had grown with long black hair, Khali had none. My skin, the dark crimson of my father, and the thick black tattoos of strength and protection, made me frightening. Khali's skin, a calm caramel color, and her thin graceful marks, made her sweet. She grew no hair, but neither did her horns make others uncomfortable. She covered her head with a hood and seemed as serene as a stream.

I knew I must be careful if I chose to speak to her of my true feelings. Khali and I spoke little, and she knew nothing of my plans, however little I thought of them. One day, my master explained that he and I would be traveling to Coruscant. There, we would meet another Jedi master, who's was renouned for his skills in hand to hand combat, and single lightsaber combat. He was called Master Harun, and Master Everyn seemed convinced that furthering my skill with a blade would calm what he thought was simply a restless spirit.

Truthfully, I had nothing against Master Everyn. He was a kind man, and he seemed to truthfully want to befriend me. However, he was a Jedi, and he contantly forced himself not to feel too much affection for me, or anything else. I found their reasoning pointless and cruel. Because of their brainwashing, my sister could not love me the way a sister should. She calmed herself so thoroughly that she would accept no signs of affection.

Before we left for Coruscant, I spoke to my sister. I considered telling her the truth, that there was more that I wanted and how much I hated the Jedi who raised us both. I thought that she might understand, that our blood bound us, but when I shared even a few of my restless feelings, she attempted to calm me. "Erase your doubt", I remember her saying. "One must be calm with the Force to be at peace."

I knew I'd lost her, and that if I told her the truth I would be revealed. She was more Jedi than Sith, regardless of her background. I kissed my sister, which she hastily wiped away because she refused to love me too much. At the time, I didn't allow it to hurt me. Now, I realize, she was doing me a favor. I hated the Jedi even more than I thought possible.