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bright_ephemera
07.31.2012 , 05:02 PM | #135
On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.


BABY TANNO VIK: Hsst, Andronikos! Corso! Great news!
BABY CORSO: What’s that?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: I already don’t believe you. What’s the story today?
BABY TANNO VIK: You remember a ways back when they stopped letting us bring in toy dart blasters, because Kaliyo kept bringing in dangerously modded ones or just actual blasters painted garish colors to look like toys?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Yeah, sure. Me an’ Kaliyo, those were good times up ‘til Mister Teeseven put a stop to it.
BABY CORSO: Things are a lot safer for us all now. But they’ve been slowly removing the ones in the toybox, too. Now M1-4X and the clubhouse turrets have just about the only dart blasters at daycare.
BABY TANNO VIK: Sad state of affairs, isn’t it?
BABY CORSO: Yeah.
BABY TANNO VIK: So, I am delighted to say that I cut a deal with SCORPIO. We can play with dart blasters after all. Limited supply, I wanted to give first selection to the two of you.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: That’s very generous of you, Vik. What are you charging?
BABY TANNO VIK: Modest fee, modest fee. Bunches of credits, or reasonable prices starting at three cookies and the promise to cause a distraction for me on one future occasion of my choosing.
BABY CORSO: Every single time I have paid you in that currency, I have regretted it.
BABY TANNO VIK: So sooner or later your luck on it’s gotta change, right? Come on.
BABY TANNO VIK starts laying out small colorful toy dart blasters.
BABY TANNO VIK: This beauty here, I selected with you especially in mind, Corso. Cost a pretty penny. That’s going to be three future tactical distractions at least, plus the three cookies.
BABY CORSO: Regret. Every time.
BABY TANNO VIK: It actually does a little blaster sound effect when it lets the dart go.
BABY CORSO: Done.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Sleek one on the left. I’ll give you three cookies, one distraction.
BABY TANNO VIK: Three cookies, two distractions.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: You’re really helpless without some other kid to raise a fuss while you’re setting charges, aren’t you? Five cookies, one distraction.
BABY TANNO VIK: Nuh-uh.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: My mom made the ones with the double chocolate chunks today.
BABY TANNO VIK: Five cookies, one distraction, done. Pleasure doing business with you.
BABY ANDRONIKOS and BABY CORSO check out their purchases while BABY TANNO VIK rolls up the rest of his merchandise and toddles off. Shortly thereafter, BABY ANDRONIKOS goes somewhere and comes back without the dart blaster.
BABY CORSO takes the big stuffed bantha from the toybox, draws angry eyebrows on it in red marker, and counts off ten paces before turning to take aim.
BABY CORSO: Aaaand, pew pew! Pew pew pew!
KHEM VAL: Corso, what are you doing?
BABY CORSO: Shootin’ up that stuffed bantha.
KHEM VAL: With a blaster.
BABY CORSO: Dart blaster.
KHEM VAL: What are the rules about dart blasters?
BABY CORSO: We’re only supposed to use the ones provided. But Tanno Vik says we got rid of that rule, so I can use…this…you’re looking at me like that again.
KHEM VAL: Yes. I am.
BABY CORSO: The rules didn’t change at all.
KHEM VAL: No. They didn’t.
KHEM VAL holds out one hand, palm up. BABY CORSO surrenders the blaster.
BABY CORSO: I’m sorry, Mister Khem Val.
KHEM VAL: ‘Sorry’ is the word. Run along now, and try not to get conned again before you go home today.
KHEM VAL stalks over to where BABY TANNO VIK is counting his cookies and giggling.
KHEM VAL: Vik.
BABY TANNO VIK: Hello there.
KHEM VAL: If you’re going to keep fleecing Corso, could you at least change up the act from time to time? This is just embarrassing.
BABY TANNO VIK: Why mess with a business model that works?
KHEM VAL: Because it gives me nothing interesting to watch. Now hand over the remaining blasters. And two of your cookies. The ones with the double chocolate chunks.
BABY TANNO VIK: What? You’re messing with free enterprise!
KHEM VAL: Yn and Chabosh did not know free enterprise. Hand it over, and be assured this tax will persist until you impress me with some new fraud.
SCORPIO goes to where BABY ANDRONIKOS is working on a toy pod racer.
SCORPIO: I can account for Tanno Vik’s contraband. Which I did not authorize.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Yeah, I figured.
SCORPIO: And Khem Val now has Corso’s blaster. I cannot account for yours.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: That’s so.
SCORPIO: Smoothly done. I look forward to seeing when you will choose to use it.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: If I had any idea what you’re talking about, Miss SCORPIO, I would appreciate the praise.
SCORPIO: Smoothly done indeed.
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