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bright_ephemera
07.27.2012 , 05:16 AM | #103
Fire drill suggestion brought to you by Crezelle!

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.


SCORPIO: Khem Val. You favor tough love for the children, correct?
KHEM VAL: Certainly. We must cultivate their skills without tolerating weakness.
SCORPIO: Excellent. I have an idea for a mostly constructive exercise that will separate the weak from the strong.
KHEM VAL: Since we lack the proving grounds of Yn and Chabosh, I am willing to see your proposed exercise.
SCORPIO walks over and sets the curtains on fire.
SCORPIO: Fire drill, children. I recommend evacuating.
BABY QUINN: I’m not certain that meets the formal definition of a drill.
SCORPIO: Perhaps you would like to stay and debate the point. I don’t mind. I am fireproof beyond the temperatures this particular conflagration will reach.
KHEM VAL: SCORPIO. I am not fireproof.
SCORPIO: I am certain you will adapt to the…SCORPIO looks up at the lines of flame rapidly radiating across the walls and ceiling…developing situation.
KHEM VAL growls and stalks out.
At this point BABY GUSS is trying to hide in the kitchen sink, BABIES JORGAN, TALOS, and QUINN are in the playroom, along with BABIES VECTOR, XALEK, and KIRA, who had been engaged in a fruitless mediation exercise relating to the finer points of whether punching people with the Force is okay.
BABY QUINN takes a look around and heads to the kitchen, where he proceeds to rummage around in the cupboards, ignoring BABY GUSS.
BABY XALEK Force zaps BABY VECTOR, enough to keep BABY VECTOR from standing up.
BABY VECTOR: What was that for? We had nearly come to an understanding!
BABY XALEK: What I understand is that Sith hate meddling hippies. Take that, 'diplomat.'
BABY XALEK strolls out the door that isn’t on fire.
BABY KIRA: I’ve got you, Vector.
BABY VECTOR: We appreciate your help.
BABY KIRA: You realize there’s only one of you, right?
BABY VECTOR: What?
BABY KIRA: Never mind.
BABY KIRA helps BABY VECTOR out the door.
BABY TALOS is curled up by a table, gibbering in terror.
BABY TALOS: Wwwbbbleeheblebwwwwwagh
BABY JORGAN, hesitating: Wow. Time’s limited here, but…wow. I’ve never seen someone actually gibber before.
SCORPIO observes intently.
BABY JORGAN: Anyway, let’s not get set on fire.
SCORPIO subtly radiates disappointment.
BABY JORGAN scoops BABY TALOS up, avoids some falling cinders, and runs him out to the lawn. At some point BABY QUINN has come out there; he is standing by KHEM VAL, BABY XALEK, and BABY KIRA. BABY VECTOR is sitting nearby.
BABY KIRA: We got anyone else in there?
BABY JORGAN: Just the one. I’m on it.
BABY JORGAN bounds back inside. The building at this point is one large raging fire. Suddenly an explosion blows out one wall.
BABY TALOS squeaks and curls up tighter.
BABY KIRA: What was that?
BABY QUINN: Oh, that. When I saw the fire, I saw the opportunity to use Pierce’s own not-so-secret detonite stash against him. I placed it in his cubby hole. The fire by itself might not destroy his favorite lunchbox, but you can bet that detonation will.
BABY KIRA: Quinn, everybody’s lunchbox just got destroyed. Including yours. The limited-edition Glory to the Empire molded-neutronium stamped-by-the-Minister-of-War one?
BABY QUINN’s jaw drops.
BABY QUINN: You’re right. I was too busy rehearsing my victory monologue to get my own lunchbox out of harm's way.
BABY KIRA: Boom. Gone. But hey, at least Pierce lost the lunchbox he was probably going to convert into an explosive device next week anyway!
BABY QUINN: I could probably have planned this better.
BABY JORGAN emerges from the building, prodding a dripping-wet BABY GUSS in front of him.
BABY GUSS: Why did you interrupt my terror? I probably would’ve been fine in the sink! Running out was scary!
BABY JORGAN: You’ll be alive to thank me later, and that’s what counts.
KHEM VAL: Jorgan, if you continue helping the other children cheat on their tests, they will never learn anything.
BABY JORGAN: With respect, sir, if they die in a fire, they still won’t ever learn anything.
SCORPIO strolls out of the collapsing inferno.
SCORPIO: Congratulations, children. None of you failed today. Though some of you came close.
KHEM VAL: That was an interesting lesson plan, but you have now deprived our daycare center of its building.
SCORPIO: It can be rebuilt over the weekend. That’s what we have Bowdaar for.
KHEM VAL: You will not have input into the new building’s floor plan or wiring arrangements.
SCORPIO: I see. It is simultaneously refreshing and frustrating that you are smarter than Teeseven.
KHEM VAL: You may not have realized this, but stupid people didn’t survive serving Tulak Hord.
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