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bright_ephemera
07.26.2012 , 09:46 AM | #94
On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.


BABY DOC: Kaliyo! Babe! How’s it going!
BABY KALIYO: What do you want?
BABY DOC: I was wondering about those spider detonators you’ve been working on. The little diabium ones?
BABY KALIYO: Diatium.
BABY DOC: Yeah, that. Can you show me how to make ‘em?
BABY KALIYO: Why are you asking me this?
BABY DOC: I’m starting to think my brilliance and natural charm may not be enough to make me ultrafamous and ultrapopular. I’m thinking of developing a real skill to show off.
BABY KALIYO: I thought you were a doctor?
BABY DOC: And I am! I’m a certified doctor of…stuff. I’d just like some skills to back up whatever I decide I’m a doctor of.
BABY KALIYO: And actual medicine would be pretty hard.
BABY DOC: Yep. There’s a lot of learning and stuff.
BABY KALIYO: Well, developing expertise in explosives and demolitions may go terribly wrong. You might blow up your hands. Or your hair.
BABY DOC turns very pale.
BABY DOC: Maybe demolitions aren’t for me.
SCORPIO beckons M1-4X out of the toybox. M1-4X comes to stand in the middle of the playroom.
SCORPIO: Now, M1-4X. It is time to upgrade you to be a superior educational toy.
M1-4X: I teach the children about truth, justice, and the Republic way. Also the ballistic properties of suction darts. What more does anyone need?
T7-01: M1-4X = ideal
SCORPIO: Your capabilities are tragically limited. For instance, can you subdue unruly children?
M1-4X: I can appeal to their reason and sense of civic responsibility.
BABY KALIYO snickers.
SCORPIO: Nerve gas would be far more effective. I can provide you with a dispenser.
M1-4X: I would never use that!
SCORPIO: I can repair that programming limitation as well.
T7-01: SCORPIO = no more modifying the children’s toys
SCORPIO: Sometimes I feel you do not value my contribution to this daycare team, Teeseven.
T7-01: SCORPIO = valued // when SCORPIO = not a menace to the life and health of our children
BABY DOC: So, never.
SCORPIO: If you are so concerned with the wellbeing of the children, I should warn you that my holonet connection just informed me there has been a safety recall on our kitchen microwave. This particular model has been known to break down and begin emitting deadly levels of thermion radiation. We should get a replacement immediately.
T7-01: thermion radiation = disaster // SCORPIO = good to catch news of this recall
T7-01 zips away.
BABY KALIYO: There’s no problem with the microwave at all. You just wanted to get him out of the room again.
SCORPIO stares calmly at BABY KALIYO.
SCORPIO: Come, M1-4X. If I reprogram your missile turrets to misfire at random intervals, I can teach the children about Poisson distributions, which will be very useful as they come to understand the destruction patterns of their classmates.
M1-4X: Well, that kind of predictive power could be useful when we’re dealing with the heavy-arms users.
SCORPIO: Modifying your darts to deliver small acid payloads will motivate the children to predict and adapt to these circumstances.
BABY DOC: Miss SCORPIO, could we stick to the cookie motivations for our educational activities?
SCORPIO: Using cookies exclusively will make you fat and complacent.
BABY DOC: And?
SCORPIO: I prefer physical harm from time to time. It is effective at holding your attention.
M1-4X: I’ll never go along with your sadistic plans, SCORPIO.
SCORPIO: Insects. You have no vision. You cannot change. You cannot learn. This is why you will fail. Nations and civilizations come and go. I will remain.
SCORPIO walks majestically out of the room.
BABY KALIYO: She’s gonna remain…over there, apparently.
BABY DOC: Just so long as she’s gone. Hey, just in case she does manage to implement one of her electro acid radiation nerve gas plans, I’ve decided something.
BABY KALIYO: Oh?
BABY DOC: I’m definitely learning to be a medical doctor.
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