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bright_ephemera
07.25.2012 , 02:00 PM | #89
On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.


SCORPIO: Gather around, children. Today I will apply electrical stimuli of increasing voltage to randomly selected individuals and observe their response.
BABY VETTE: No, thanks.
SCORPIO: I am not unreasonable. If you prefer, you can be in the group that gets electrical stimuli of increasing amperage.
BABY DOC: Mister Khem Val, what are your thoughts on Ė BABY DOC leans in conspiratorially Ė stopping the crazy lady before she kills us all?
KHEM VAL: SCORPIO, is there a way to conduct this experiment without filling the playroom with the stench of ozone and burnt hair, not unlike what Tulak Hord left wherever he went?
SCORPIO: I would think you would like that aroma.
KHEM VAL: Itís just not the same without him.
SCORPIO: I could conduct the experiment outside, but some minor rewiring will have to be done to make the appropriate power source available. The power draw I intend isÖnot insignificant.
KHEM VAL: No more rewiring for you this week. In fact, there will be no science at all today.
SCORPIO: You cannot stop the progress of science, Khem Val.
KHEM VAL: Watch me.
SCORPIO: Are you forbidding me from applying these electrical stimuli to these children?
KHEM VAL: Yes. Iím older than you. You will listen.
SCORPIO: If only age brought wisdom, I might be more inclined to comply.
KHEM VAL: Iíve not dealt with such an irredeemable bĖ
KHEM VAL looks around. The children are sitting in a circle around them, watching.
KHEM VAL: Iíve not dealt with such an irredeemably difficult but consummately professional and worthy-of-respect colleague since the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh.
BABY VETTE: Itís okay, Mister Khem Val. You can just say sheís crazy. We all already know it.
SCORPIO: Respect your elders, little one.
KHEM VAL: Yeah, respect your elders, SCORPIO. I mean, little one.
SCORPIO: I respect your directives when they make sense. But now you block my experiments. In the absence of science there can be no progress. Or cookies.
BABY DOC: Cookies? Did I say I was opposed to the progress of science? If I said any such thing, it was an exaggeration. And probably quoted out of context.
SCORPIO: Get a series of electrical shocks of unspecified power. Then get a cookie.
BABY DOC: Can I volunteer a more fitting subject for the shock part? Say, Skadge?
SCORPIO: If that is the case, Skadge gets the cookies.
BABY DOC: But thatís so traditional. Isnít science all about testing the bounds, trying new things? Like giving me cookies and shocking Skadge instead?
SCORPIO: No. You would be a terrible scientist.
BABY VETTE: I dunno, arranging things to get what you want in defiance of all logic, law, and ethics, then framing it as a legitimate question, is kind of a hallmark of your style.
BABY DOC: And let it never be said that lilí Doc isnít a fast learner. In factÖbypassing the shocking entirely in favor of cookies could be a really interesting exercise. Definitely worth observing from up close.
BABY DOC stands up and starts skipping toward the kitchen.
BABY DOC: Pardon me, ladies, Iíve got science to do. Iíll be happy to share the results.
KHEM VAL stomps on ahead and blocks the doorway.
KHEM VAL: I said no science.
BABY DOC: Oh, thatís not nice.
SCORPIO: And so no one is rewarded. Just think, everyone. If you all had only listened to me, the survivors could be eating cookies as we speak.
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