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bright_ephemera
07.24.2012 , 05:49 AM | #82
On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.


BABY ANDRONIKOS: Cops ‘n’ robbers, go!
LORD SCOURGE: I do not understand this game. Why do the cops bring the robbers to prison, when they know the robbers will inevitably get free again? It makes far more sense to kill them outright.
BABY SKADGE: Hear, hear.
KHEM VAL: I never understood it myself.
BABY AKAAVI: There is no honor in killing petty thieves and others who are not warriors.
BABY ANDRONIKOS, BABY AKAAVI, and BABY BROONMARK have lined up to oppose BABY SKADGE, BABY YUUN, and BABY TANNO VIK.
BABY YUUN: It is unclear to me which side is cops.
BABY SKADGE: I am never a cop.
BABY YUUN: This is a compelling argument. So what are we as robbers trying to get?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Bowdaar.
BABY YUUN: What?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: He’s a slave, isn’t he?
YOUNG BOWDAAR: Yes. I AM A SLAVE.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: That makes him property. Robbers steal property. Bowdaar’s a legitimate target. QED.
BABY SKADGE: Cue what?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Never mind.
BABY AKAAVI: So be it. First, we will hide Bowdaar. Then we will try to subdue all you robbers so you end up in jail all at once. You can tag your comrades out if you can reach jail without our guards catching you. Meanwhile, you try to tag…Bowdaar.
YOUNG BOWDAAR sits resignedly by the toybox.
YOUNG BOWDAAR: I AM A SLAVE.
BABY AKAAVI: Silence. Close your eyes, robbers, and we will hide your prize.
BABY BROONMARK shuffles in front of BABY SKADGE to cover his eyes, since he is transparently watching to see where YOUNG BOWDAAR gets hidden. BABY AKAAVI stashes YOUNG BOWDAAR in the kitchen, in the gap between the refrigerator and the wall. He fits…barely.
BABY AKAAVI, returning to the floor square called jail: You may begin.
BABY AKAAVI and BABY BROONMARK jump BABY SKADGE and, with some difficulty, wrestle him to the ground. They then drag him to jail, where BABY BROONMARK sits next to him and envelops him in fur.
BABY SKADGE: This is disgusting.
BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.
BABY TANNO VIK: You could not pay me enough to reach in there to tag him back in. He pauses. Well, you probably could. But you would have to pay a lot.
BABY SKADGE: You want to take Akaavi and Andronikos by yourself?
BABY TANNO VIK: I could do it. I could do it if I wanted to.
BABY AKAAVI cracks her knuckles.
BABY TANNO VIK hurriedly shoves BABY AKAAVI out of the way and makes for jail.
BABY TANNO VIK: Meet me halfway, man. Don’t make me reach into Broonmark’s fur.
There is a brief scuffle, visible only by the waving of BABY BROONMARK’s fur, as BABY SKADGE struggles with BABY BROONMARK’s arm. Then a solid thunking noise. BABY BROONMARK lists to one side and falls over. BABY SKADGE strolls across the jail box and lets BABY TANNO VIK tag him. BABY AKAAVI recovers and launches herself at BABY TANNO VIK, neatly disabling him in five seconds flat. TANNO VIK scowls but steps into jail.
BABY TANNO VIK: Skadge, since you’re right here, get me out.
BABY SKADGE: Ha! Ha! You wish.
BABY SKADGE saunters off. BABY AKAAVI gives chase.
BABY AKAAVI: Andronikos, I will require your assistance. Our quarry is…oversize.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: You got it.
BABY YUUN has been creeping around the room, searching.
BABY YUUN: The signs are confused. Truly Akaavi is skilled at hiding her tracks.
BABY AKAAVI, looking over: Have I ever mentioned how much I hate it when you end up on the looking-for-things side?
BABY AKAAVI briefly stops her pursuit of BABY SKADGE to walk over and thwack BABY YUUN soundly on the head. BABY YUUN falls over.
BABY TANNO VIK: Damn it, Akaavi.
KHEM VAL goes to the refrigerator to get some jellied failed-apprentice.
YOUNG BOWDAAR, from next to the refrigerator: I AM A SLAVE.
BABY TANNO VIK, from the playroom: That’s the sound of winning.
BABY BROONMARK figures out the danger and starts waddling for the kitchen door. BABY TANNO VIK beats him there and bursts in to tag YOUNG BOWDAAR.
BABY TANNO VIK: Tag.
BABY AKAAVI: By the rules of the game, robbers have won. My clan is shamed.
BABY TANNO VIK: There money riding on this?
BABY AKAAVI: No.
BABY SKADGE: Heh. In my world, robbers always win.
YOUNG BOWDAAR: This is the cruel reality that made me A SLAVE.
BABY YUUN: You might consider choosing a less talkative robber objective next time.
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