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07.22.2012 , 07:05 PM | #59

BABY RUSK is sitting amidst his squad of stuffed animals. He is glaring at Akaavi, who is sitting and leaning forward to glare at him.
LORD SCOURGE: Akaavi and Rusk are having a staring contest?
KHEM VAL: Yes. They’ve been at it since Friday morning.
LORD SCOURGE: It is an admirable use of Rusk’s sole discernible talent.
KHEM VAL: Self-destruction?
LORD SCOURGE: I was referring to his pointless stubbornness. It is arguable whether ‘self-destruction’ qualifies as a talent.
BABY RUSK, hoarsely: I think I might drop from hunger soon.
BABY AKAAVI: Your failure to plan supplies correctly is not my concern.
BABY RUSK: Mustn’t…falter…
BABY DOC: Mister Lord Scourge, Mister Lord Scourge!
LORD SCOURGE: It’s just Lord Scourge. I don’t need the mister.
BABY DOC: Right you are. Lord Scourge, I’ve been analyzing the food being provided to the children here, and I’ve got some deep concerns.
LORD SCOURGE: Is that so?
BABY DOC: Yes. See, growing children need large quantities of chocolate chips and cookie…uh…stuff, to prevent…bad things. Boils and stuff. And stunted growth. Basically we need to be provided with a lot of cookies or we’ll all be terribly sick.
LORD SCOURGE: Perhaps you do not deserve to be well.
BABY DOC: Whaaat? Lil’ Doc deserves the best.
LORD SCOURGE: Lil’ Doc needs to wipe the blue marker mustache off his face before anyone will take him seriously.
BABY DOC: This is an important part of my appeal.
LORD SCOURGE looks down at BABY DOC.
BABY DOC: If I compromise my image to get rid of the mustache, can we have more cookies?
BABY RUSK blinks and falls over.
BABY AKAAVI: This victory will bring honor to my clan.
BABY RUSK shakes himself and gets up, clutching his empty tummy.
BABY RUSK, to his stuffed-animal squad: Come on, guys. Time for resupply.
BABY TEMPLE, sitting amidst the animals: They’re not going anywhere. I corrupted your whole squad while you were busy staring at Akaavi. Now they’re all loyal Imperials.
BABY TEMPLE hugs the stuffed nexu and smiles.
BABY RUSK: You can’t do that!
BABY RUSK: Nuh-uh!
BABY TEMPLE: Hey, squad, let’s sing the Imperial anthem!
BABY RUSK: Over my dead body!
BABY RUSK whips out a toy assault cannon taller than he is and starts hitting the stuffed-animal squad, thwacking indiscriminately while BABY TEMPLE sings out the anthem.
BABY RUSK: Traitors! All of you, traitors!
BABY AKAAVI: Even your stuffed animals know better than to follow such a weak and…unstable…leader.
BABY TEMPLE, unwilling to face Rusk’s frenzy, edges away from the battleground. BABY AKAAVI catches her eye.
BABY AKAAVI: The Republic finally manages the will to fight, and it’s with itself. This is why I believe your Empire will win.
BABY TEMPLE, beaming: Yup!
BABY DOC toddles over to smile winningly at BABY AKAAVI and BABY TEMPLE.
BABY DOC: Ladies, I need your help. Could you come pretend to be really sick in front of Lord Scourge for me?
BABY AKAAVI: Why would we do anything for you?
BABY DOC: If you help me out I’ll give you smooches.
BABY AKAAVI: So…if we help you you will punish us.
BABY DOC: Uh, no.
BABY TEMPLE: You really need to work on your negotiation skills. Particularly the part where you need to offer us things we like.
BABY DOC: Fine. I was going to keep it a secret until the thrilling reveal, but Lil’ Doc will graciously offer you a share of the bounty of cookies that will result from this plan.
BABY DOC: After the smooches.
M1-4X: Rusk, how did that staring contest turn out? I was buried under bits of swoop track, I couldn’t see.
BABY RUSK, nursing the finger he crushed while fumbling with the assault cannon: Casualties one hundred per cent, sir.
KHEM VAL: Did you even need to ask? I’ve not seen such a terrible leader since the battlefield of Rhorek.
M1-4X: I’ve never heard of that one, sir.
KHEM VAL: Exactly.
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