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07.18.2012 , 11:22 AM | #5
Dunno if he's volunteering - he thinks encouraging me is bad - but this concept may have some mileage to go.

On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.

SCORPIO, emerging from the supply closet: T7. We have run out of diapers and kolto packs.
T7-01: Running out = strange // T7-01 = bought some last week
SCORPIO, shrugging: I have no doubt that Khem Val's violence on Monday and Tuesday depleted our supplies.
T7-01: SCORPIO = probably right // T7-01 = talk to Khem about that // now T7-01 = go get more supplies
T7-01 hurries out.
SCORPIO: That has worked for twelve weeks in a row. His learning algorithms are...inadequate. Now, children. I will award a cookie to the one who most successfully asserts dominance. Proceed.
BABY ELARA: Miss SCORPIO, isn't this unethical? Forcing us into senseless violence and brutal competition for nothing but your own amusement?
SCORPIO: Not my amusement. For science.
BABY ELARA: Science is mean and probably ought to have more regulations.
SCORPIO: Your attempt to assert ethical standards is simply another behavior I expected to observe in this experiment. I predict you will fail to achieve your goals with it.
BABY SKADGE tackles BABY ELARA from behind and starts punching her.
SCORPIO: Like that.
BABY CORSO, sailing in out of nowhere: You leave her alone!
BABY CORSO and BABY ELARA wrestle with BABY SKADGE for a minute or two.
BABY SKADGE: Grr. I'm bored. Bye now.
Meanwhile, from the sidelines...
BABY VECTOR: This is not harmonious.
BABY QUINN: I agree. We should try to stop hostilities at once, for the common good. Why don't you convince everyone you can to go play quietly with their toys over there.
BABY QUINN observes the main melee. He sometimes leans in to quietly manipulate the other children's flailing limbs, ensuring that BABIES KALIYO, JORGAN, XALEK, KIRA, and PIERCE get a roughly equal amount of punishment. He monitors BABIES TEMPLE, JAESA, and TALOS to make sure they're targets of aggression, too. When BABY TEMPLE is close to extricating herself from the violence, BABY QUINN directs a frustrated BABY SKADGE her way.
BABY VECTOR assembles BABIES ELARA, CORSO, GUSS, and ASHARA by the toy bin. They discuss ways of ensuring a viable long-term peace for all. Except BABY GUSS, who mostly cowers.
The melee continues:
BABY JORGAN: Forex chant, everybody!
BABY CORSO: We don't want to have to fight -
BABY JORGAN: But by jingo, if we do -
BABY CORSO: We've got the ships -
BABY JORGAN: I've got the claws -
BABY KIRA, recovering from a bad hit and toddling back into the fray: We've got the Jedi, too!
BABY PIERCE: Psht. Imperial chant, everybody!
BABIES PIERCE, TEMPLE, and XALEK: Submit or be crushed!
BABY KIRA: That's less catchy.
BABY PIERCE: And yet surprisingly effective.
BABY QUINN places a couple of kicks to slow down BABY KALIYO and BABY XALEK, who weren't as bruised as the others yet. He watches and waits for a while.
BABY XALEK, flopping down in defeat: Jerkfaces.
BABY QUINN: That's nearly enough. Miss SCORPIO, I find myself standing between those too cowardly to fight and those too injured to keep fighting for long. Name an appropriate expression of dominance and it would seem I am in a position to execute it.
BABY PIERCE: Execute this! *throws a terrified BABY TALOS at him*
BABY TALOS and BABY QUINN collapse in a heap of fear and indignance.
SCORPIO: How interesting. It seems not everyone was too injured to keep fighting.
BABY QUINN, flat on his back: Yes. I could probably have planned this better.
SCORPIO: Do not become discouraged, little one. You will eventually learn to plan appropriately. Or you will die.
BABY ELARA: There has got to be some kind of rule against child care providers like you.
SCORPIO: None that anyone has successfully enforced. Now, Pierce. I believe you have earned a cookie.
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