The Short Fic Weekly Challenge Thread!
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06.12.2012 , 05:45 PM |
I see your JC/Qyzen, and raise you femsmuggler/Guss! Aw yeah I went there. No spoilers.
I seemed to have the worst luck. Whenever I really,
deserved a drink, one of my exes would inevitably walk into the cantina and make my day worse.
It was my first day on Corellia, and I already hated it. It didn't take much whining from Guss for me to agree that we could take a break for a drink. I almost immediately regretted it.
"Crap!" I hissed, turning my back to the door. "It's my ex-boyfriend. He never leaves me alone."
"Do we have to leave?"
"No," I whispered. "We can't get out without him seeing me." I racked my brain, trying to think of a way to evade him. If I couldn't evade him, maybe I could get rid of him. "Play along with me, all right?"
"Cardani? Is that you?" came the voice of my nightmares.
I spun around and put on my brightest smile. "Hi! Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it?! This is my boyfriend." I threw an arm around Guss, hoping we looked convincing.
"This is your boyfriend?" My ex looked like he didn't believe a word I was saying. Maybe he was starting to figure out that I frequently lied to get him to leave me alone.
"Oh, yeah," I said. "We're so in love. We're going to get married and have a whole mess of green fish babies."
"Also, I'm a Jedi," said Guss. I stepped on his foot. This was not the Lying Free-For-All Hour.
"I'm not sure if I believe you." That was an improvement; he usually believed more or less anything. Not exactly the smartest man I'd been with.
"I love her," said Guss in an exaggerated voice. He was a terrible actor. "She's so green."
I nodded sagely. "It's true."
"Come on, Cardani," said my ex, crossing his arms. "I don't believe for a second you two are together." I could see a flicker of doubt in his eyes, though. We just had to push this over the edge and I could be rid of him forever.
"We are, I'll prove it." I turned to Guss and our eyes met in what I could only describe as mutual terror. I hoped my ex was dumb enough to mistake it for torrid desire. Considering how I'd felt during our relationship, he probably thought that was normal for me.
I screwed my eyes shut, took a deep breath, and planted my lips on Guss'.
I really wish I were drunk right now,
I thought. He was like a little brother to me; this was disgusting. Like kissing your family.
I broke away and sighed in relief, smiling at my ex. "See? Now do you believe me?"
He looked utterly horrified. "I...guess so. Well...I'm happy for you." He was backing away as though he'd seen a ghost. "I've...got a really important call. I'll see you around."
I watched him leave, finally able to let my body relax. "Thanks so much...I think that scared him away for life."
For an excruciatingly long minute, we were silent. We couldn't even look at each other. I figured this could be in the running for the most awkward sixty seconds of my life. There were few things more embarrassing than having to kiss your platonic friend.
"Let's never, ever talk about this again," I finally said.
Guss looked relieved. We clinked our glasses together in agreement. "Never."
"We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility...are you ready to wreak some havoc?"