I'm never rude and constantly ask in general every 2 minutes about flash points and heroics. Unfortunately, I haven't found anyone that wants to do them. If you put something in the game and call it a quest, I don't look at it as optional..
If you think anything in the game isn't optional, an you're compelled to do it, either seek professional help, or don't look into the eyes of the next jedi you see.
I don't believe there is a server out there where noone wants to do anything like flashpoints or heroic quests. You need to get outside of this bubble you've created for yourself. I think the issue must be how you communicate, because i guarantee there are heroic quests and flashpoints going on, on your server.
In rift you had to in many cases group up to do the bonus waves and final waves of rifts, but you were ok with that. The only difference (apart from the "dynamic event" system) was that you didnt have to go to any effort to make a group. You just had to be in the same area, no communication required. It's completely antisocial.
I think you should adjust your mind set to the game you play, in SWTOR, you're encouraged to group up and communicate, an this will be difficult for some people.