Freelance Pilot Saves Galaxy, Earns Handsome 395 Credit Reward Senate Tower, CORUSCANT - LaCheeve “Latch” Brennins, the heroic freelance pilot who foiled yesterday’s terrorist plot has been lavished with rewards today in the galactic capital. The insidious scheme threatened to bring down the damaged senate tower building, but was prevented single-handedly by Brennins. “I’m not entirely clear on the details,” commented Mira Selvat, tower administrator, “But it looks like Brennins found the security codes and defused all six of the explosive devices. He killed at least 30 of the insurgents on the way. His actions saved the lives of the Supreme Chancellor and the entire Galactic Senate.” “I think he deserves something for his efforts,” she added. Following that comment, it was revealed that a generous sum of 395 credits has been disbursed from Republic coffers to compensate Brennins for his actions. “It’s the least we can do. Uhm, wait one moment,” said Selvat, taking a moment to consult with her accountant before continuing, “Yes. Literally the least we can do.” BCNN news caught up with Latch Brennins at a local cantina, and he had this to say: “Yeah, the payout was pretty typical. They gave me these gloves too, though they’re kind of crappy compared to what I was wearing. Still, might be able hock them for a few more credits. They said if I didn’t like the gloves, they’d give me a Coruscant Commendation instead, but we all know what those things are worth.” When asked what he intended to spend his 395 credits on, he rolled his eyes and said, “Maybe some jukebox tokens? A round of drinks? Could use a drink after that mission.” Some detractors amongst the public have criticized the reward as being inadequate. However, a representative from the Ministry of Outsourcing has insisted that the sum is perfectly in line with Galactic Wage Standards. “We can’t just go around handing out thousands of credits to every Joe who saves a planet. Especially with the recent budget cuts.” Before concluding the cantina interview, Brennins excused himself to check his mail. On further questioning he revealed that he had received a letter from a grateful senator. It personally thanked Brennins for saving her life and the lives of her family who were in the tower at the time. “Words cannot express the gratitude I feel on behalf of my family,” read Brennins from the letter, “We literally owe you our lives. Please accept this sum of money as a reminder of my eternal thankfulness.” Brennins sighed as he authorized the transfer of 83 credits to his account. “Brilliant,’’ Latch drawled sardonically, “Now I can almost afford training.” - Kyrah Veltares, not being paid nearly enough to report for Begeren ColoNet News (BCNN) - In other news... Truth About Hutt Balls Revealed: You’ll Never Want To Touch One Again Bounty-Hunter With Novelty Name Brings Dishonour Upon Fett Lineage

This. Military RP is so easy to do, yet adds so much to the game. Seems even you Republic rabble can get it right sometimes.

Planet of Hats

BCNN Update: Mystical Vision of Far Future "Logically Inconsistent" Say Experts

Cold War Called Off - “It’s Pointless” Say Military Leaders DK City, DROMUND KAAS Ahead of yesterday’s announcement that the Dark Council has foreseen the Empire’s defeat thousands of years in the future, despair has spread like gloomy wildfire through the ranks of the Imperial Armed Forces. Lord Kras today issued a statement, saying that the vision reveals the Empire’s position as untenable. “What’s the point?” he said to a crowded press conference, “In fact, why am I even here?” The vision predicted a major Imperial defeat some 3,650 years in the future by a farmboy with a terrible haircut. The response to this vision has been devastating, with entire battalions of Sith soldiers throwing down their weapons and deserting. “You know, I got better things to do,” said one Imperial Sergeant, “Me and some of the fellas saved up for a holiday pad on Thyferra. Who cares about this miserable war?” He then yelled at his troops, “Pack it up, ladies! We’re going speeder-sailing!” Not everyone is entirely convinced, however. Grand Moff Kilran has called for calm, calling the vision a hoax. “We haven’t even verified that the vision actually originated from the Dark Council. Those guys don’t have good lines of communication. Probably more than one of them heard the same thing on the grapevine and assumed that all the other Council members were in on it. It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.” In fact, Kilran went so far as to suggest the whole thing was a Republic monkey wrench. “It’s not true. And even if it is, it doesn’t matter. And even if it does, it’s not relevant for thousands of years.” The Grand Moff concluded, “I mean, come on. This whole thing is just a thermal detonator of Stupid.” His statement has done little to stem the tide of hopelessness that has overcome the Empire’s war machine. It is predicted that at this rate, the Imperial Armada will be completely decommissioned within months. Meanwhile, on the planet Tython, rumours are starting to emerge that that the Jedi Council have had a similar vision of impending (on a geological scale) defeat at the hand of a sith lord who manages to sieze the reins of the republic by guile. Again, this vision's subject transpires in about three and a half millenia, but Republic officials are already taking it seriously. Just minutes ago, Supreme Chancellor Janarus abruptly concluded a speech before the military joint chiefs. Partway through an uncharacteristically lackluster motivational talk he broke off saying, "But in the long run... it doesn't really matter, does it? None of this," he waved his hand vaguely at a massive Republic battlestation, "will really matter in the end." Holocam footage show his shoulders slumping, before he leaves the stage without a further word. Embarrassed officials were left to conclude the ceremony with an awkwardly-timed performance of the Republic anthem. Stay tuned for further developments. - Kyrah Veltares dejectedly reporting for Begeren Colo-Net News (BCNN) - In other news... Empire Imposes Ban on “Sith Happens” Bumper Stickers Study Warns Kolto Darts May Cause Discomfort, Bleeding, Dart-Related Death

Jiguuna Officials Worried About Red Blade Infestation Jiguuna, HUTTA - Aside from the expected waves of bounty hunters arriving in the wake of the Great Hunt announcement, a more unexpected plague has hit the bustling township of Jiguuna. "I don't get it," said a puzzled Toth'lazhen, spokesperson for Nem'ro the Hutt, "Pirates... Hundreds of them. And they're all claiming to be the infamous Red Blade! Look, here comes one now.” He then excused himself to negotiate with an overweight male Chiss. While they spoke, a diminutive cyborg and a pair of identical-looking Rattataki also showed up. “More Red Blades? Form an orderly queue, please!” demanded Toth’lazhen. Jiguuna is well-accustomed to being flooded with hordes of bounty hunters at this time of year due to the great hunt, but locals say this Red Blade infestation is unprecedented. “I can’t leave my home any more,” complained one resident, “Snipers everywhere, all claiming to be Red Blade. Prob’ly figure they’ll boost their odds of becoming the last one by just picking off random people. They’re probably right!” Earlier today, Glorious Nem’ro the Hutt addressed rumours that he is hiring any and all Red Blades who come to him. His illustriousness said, “I do not care who these fools really are. Nem’ro now has an army of Red Blades to send against Fath’ra. Hooh hooh hooh.” But not everyone shares Nem’ro’s enthusiasm. “Yesterday, there was an incident in one of the hangars,” said one starport official, watching bodybags being hauled out of the facility, “Twenty-two of these clowns showed up, all claiming to be the Red Blade. Turned into a 22-person blaster stand-off. Then some idiot shot first. Huge firefight. Bodies everywhere.” Meanwhile, an anonymous Imperial source claims that this is the result of a monumental bureaucratic fumble by the Imperial Ministry of Intelligence. “Someone screwed up on the paperwork somewhere and added a couple of zeroes to the number of agents assigned to use the Blade as a fake identity,” claimed the source, “The result - pure chaos.” The source wished to be known only as The True Red Blade. Although theories abound as to the cause of this mass confusion, one theory ties back to the rumours of Imperial Intelligence involvement. “This is no administrative error,” said one Republic Intelligence source, “This is no doubt part of some elaborate master scheme by the Sith Empire. Only the puppet-masters of the dark side could engineer mayhem on this scale.” On the other side of the galaxy, a Jedi Master known as Oteg was consulted for his far-reaching, prescient wisdom. He had only this to say, “Many people they are, yet they are one. Begun, the Clone Wars has.” - The One and Only Genuinely Real Red Blade (AKA Kyrah Veltares) reporting for Begeren ColoNet News (BCNN) - In other news... Companion Blows Mission Budget on Spice and Stripper-Droids Guard Wonders What "Weak" Label on His Employee ID Means